"Love's a woman's job...

...and I've got work to do."

I started my *fun* summer job today! I got paid to pretty much mess around all day, and I love it. We learned about tutoring services, scholarships, took a tour of the University Student Union, and took a quiz over some pictures. It was cake! I didn't even have to clock out for lunch...totally got paid for that too.

Tomorrow looks like a packed day of learning to give tours and then working on some personal projects we have each decided to take on. I think I can handle it.

So, I might not get paid a lot, but I love my job. I don't dread going every day. I love the people I work with, even if they have quirky idiosyncrasies. I wouldn't keep coming back to this job if I didn't love it...it's not the pay that keeps me here. We are told almost daily by influential people that what we do matters. Yeah, it might give us a big head, but it is nice to know that I put forth the effort to learn all of this stuff that most people would think is meaningless, and that effort makes a difference. I get to see the appreciation of a University, of parents, of staff, and most of all students. Yeah, I can handle that too.

And on a completely different note:
--the seeds I planted really took off over the weekend. I need to weed them out, and Ma and Pa said they'd take seedlings if I kept them going. I am pretty proud!
--I got my phone charger back today so I don't have to charge my phone in the car all the time anymore!
--my fish's water needs to be cleaned, but I think he'll make it a few days longer.
--I am just generally happy. Can't go wrong with a happy day!

"Not that you probably care...

...much about my underwear."

Have you ever had a day when you put your underwear on inside out? Have you ever wondered how your day could have gone differently if your underwear had been facing the way they should have been? Have you ever wondered if your day would be different depending on what underwear you were wearing or if you weren't wearing any at all?

I just had one of those days.

"She likes big words...

...though we'll never comprehend."


I wonder how smart Americans are. I am not being facetious or making a reference to anyone/thing in particular. I am just curious.

I went to Starbucks today. This in and of itself did not prompt my question, nor did the vanilla latte that filled my grande cup. Rather, it was the writing on the thermo-sleeve. Nope, not the "Caution, contents may be hot" warning (though that brings up an interesting concept as well) but the word "succedaneum."

Succedaneum is a noun meaning "a succesor, one that follows." However, that is not explained on the cup. Rather, the options for meaning are: 1) changing the world one word at a time, 2) to spell it like it is, or 3) an inspirational film in theatres everywhere April 28.

The final option is a reference to "Akeelah and the Bee" which is where Starbucks got the idea for this promotion. Great, way to be catchy. But these 3 choices are the same ones that appear on every sleeve regardless of the word. But none of these options tells me what succedaneum means. The cup procliams that it was the winning word from the 2001 National Spelling Bee, but what good does that do me!? I want to know when I get my latte what the word means.

How many Americans have gotten a hot beverage in a Starbucks cup, looked at the various words written on the sleeve, and actually thought they meant "to spell it like it is?" How many people actually care enough to look up these words? How many people will use these words incorrectly because they realize that only .02% of the population is actually going to know what the heck they are talking about?

Maybe this is simply a linguist's rant, but I think it goes deeper than that. I would have respected Starbucks for actually making this a learning experience by giving the definitions of the words they use. Rather, they made it a marketing scheme that simply contributes to the using of big words by people who shouldn't use big words in the first place.

I feel I have fully elucubrated this topic. Go look that one up.

"I'm grateful for every scar...

...but there were lessons learned."

Given that it hurts me to type right now, I doubt this will be a) very long or b) very exciting.

I had a small surgical procedure done yesterday and I am now paying for it. The upside was that I was not expecting it, so I didn't have that much time to worry about it. Because I am a huge worrier and any medical procedure freaks me out. I only had 15-20 minutes to think about it before they started, and I had a People magazine to peruse to keep my mind off of it. However, now I am really sore. It probably didn't help that since I was completely numb, I went with some friends to go play tennis. I didn't really play, but I swung the racquet a couple times. I have now learned. And I'm tired, because I couldn't find a way to sleep last night that didn't pull my stitches funny or cause me some sort of pain and discomfort. Hopefully this will go away soon. But now I can say that I have had stitches...it took 22 years, but now I have 9 in a fun little line.

And now for something completely different: I have found a new addiction. Fruit smoothies. But is it an addiction if it is good for you? In my mind half a banana, some pineapple chunks, a couple strawberries, low-fat yogurt, a splash of milk, and a little cinnamon is good for me and should be seen as a positive addiction. And they are delightful. I love summer.

Last point: I am excited for American Idol tonight. I have to work until 8, but I will get to see the end which is what is important. I enjoyed last night's performances and could go either way, hence why I didn't vote last night. I went into the evening favoring Kat, but Taylor knocked my socks off...well, my flip flop anyway. We'll see what happens, but I think it will be close.

No more typing for this girl. Yet another lesson learned.

"Jessica...

...you're a lady."

Signs Jess is too bored at work: she starts copying things from eveyone else's blogs.

I AM: doing my best, but I make no promises.
I WANT: my friends and family to know how much I truly care about them.
I WISH: I knew what I wanted out of life.
I HATE: ceiling fans, self doubt, Jell-O, failure (not necessarily in that order).
I MISS: my Mom's home-cooked meals.
I FEAR: not living up to other's expectations for me.
I HEAR: the lights buzzing, but I have "Hips Don't Lie" stuck in my head.
I WONDER: when I will go for my lunch break.
I REGRET: way more than I should.
I AM NOT: ambidextrous, athletic, gorgeous, or rich though there are days I wish I was.
I DANCE: quite frequently...usually in my room and while doing household chores.
I SING: in the B-Lazer. Loudly.
I CRY: not as much as I used to...sometimes I wish I did.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: right, but I like to think I am.
I MAKE: mistakes.
I WRITE: papers on Oscar Wilde, African-Caribbean Mother-Daughter relationships in literature, Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale," the effects of dyslexia in the classroom, and a myriad of others.
I CONFUSE: left and right.
I NEED: to be encouraged, loved, and needed.
I SHOULD: be more sure of my own actions and decisions.
I START: my day with a shower.
I FINISH: my day by making sure that my closet door is completely shut and that my dresser drawers are closed all the way.
I TAG: my cousins at home on holidays

"I like the way you move...

ba dumm bum."

After "helping" a friend move yesterday, I have decided that if English doesn't work out I can become a furniture mover. Not because of my ability to lift heavy things, pack things into Rubbermade totes, or clean ovens, but because of the rewards one gets for this. I moved a couch, I got a free beer. I like this arrangement.

However, after the eleventy-billionth trip up to his third floor apartment I realized I am not looking forward to moving 2 months from yesterday. Finding all of the stupid little things that hadn't made it into the totes was frustrating as I kept trekking back to find more Wal-Mart bags to stash things in. I am 22 years old, and should not have acquired that much stuff while living in my current abode. But I can guarantee I did. My grandmother is what some lovingly refer to as a "packrat" (or Grandma with butt-loads) and, despite my attempts to ward off this gene, it is sometimes inherent. I am curious to find out if moving will help me purge much of the stuff I have accumulated, or if it will hone my reorganization abilities when I move into the new place and have to find a place for it all. I guess we will find out in July!

And, whereas I am excited (and scared) to move into my own place, I know that it will be hard leaving my current one. Locking Kris' door for the last time last night was kind of bittersweet--we have all had some good times there. As we drove away he made a comment somewhere along the lines of "I'm really going to miss this place." Heck, I'm going to miss his place, so I can only imagine how much I'll miss where I live now and who I live with now. A majority of my fun college times have been had behind door #8...I guess I am just a sentimental type of girl.

Which is probably why I won't start packing up all the little things until mere hours before "the moving company" (read friends and parents) come to haul my stuff to the new apartment. It'll make it more of a game that way! Man, we have a lot of games to move too....

"She's Got a Way...

...about her; I don't know what it is."

I am a theif...I took this from Dawn because I thought it would help me waste some time at work. Not enough time, but I do what I can.

Take a band/artist and answer the questions with song titles.

Artist: Billy Joel

Are you female or male: She's Always a Woman

Describe yourself: I Go To Extremes

How do some people feel about you: You May Be Right

How do you feel about yourself: You're Only Human

Describe your ex girl/boyfriend: Entertainer

Describe your current girl/boyfriend: Stranger (yeah, there is another one I could use here depending on the definition of "boyfriend")

Describe where you want to be: Vienna

Describe what you want to be: Just the Way You Are

Describe how you live: My Life

Describe how you love: For the Longest Time

Favorite food: Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Share a few words of wisdom: Only the Good Die Young

Your hero: An Innocent Man


So, that was fun. And, as a fun piece of trivia, one of these songs is the ringback on my phone. I love Billy Joel.

"We can't return we can only look behind...

...and go round and round and round in the circle game"

Wow. I just had quite the experience and I wish there was someone who I could talk to about it. But 1:35 am does not lend itself to listening ears. Dang it. Now I know that I won't sleep well tonight.

More on this later....

"And the elephants are dancing...

...on the graves of squealing mice."

So, after watching the awful MTV series "Fat Camp," I decided, "Wow, I don't want to be like those people," and decided to start working out. So I did Pilates 2 days ago. This was a good idea--roommate and I were going to do Pilates every day at the beginning of the semester. This lasted...a day. But I popped it in the DVD player and had at it. Good for me. But that was just the beginning.

I decided to be ambitios and play tennis with my friend Cy yesterday. Well, play is the opperative word, we really just hit the ball back and forth for an hour until I had managed to hit 3 out of the court and he 1. I appreciate Cy and his patience towards my lack of ball control--he lets me get away with quite a bit while we play. Despite my inability to play well, I love tennis, and greatly improved my backhand in that time. This was all fine and good until this morning.

I am finding it hard to move. I have muscles that are hurting and I didn't even know they could hurt! Still, I can't wait to play again, and am taking appointments for those who wish to join me on the courts.

MTRR that I forgot how much I enjoy nice weather and the ability to play outside, despite the repercussions!

"Anyone for tennis? Oh, wouldn't that be nice!?" it's an eric clapton song!

"I know there's nothing stopping you now...

But I'd settle for a slowdown."

It is amazing how life can change so quickly. Yeah, everyone has these revelations once in a while, and it is my turn to have one.

I think I am getting sick. I truly believe this is because my body knows that it can allow me to become sick because I have time to do so. During the school year I rarely had down-time; I was usually at my apartment less than 20 hours a week, not including sleeping (which also wasn't very much). This meant that I was generally out and about doing something and I still had homework to get done in the inbetween times. Not that I didn't love it...I thrive on being busy and having deadlines and such, but I found myself being envious of people with less going on than me from time to time.

Then Finals week rolled around and I had stuff to do until Friday at 3ish. Then it was off to Dunnell/Sherburn/Fairmont for the wedding. It was a great time (to put it mildly) and Chris and Melissa will have many happy years together, and those who attended the ceremony, reception, and dance will have some memories to cherish for quite awhile too. How am I to forget hottubbing in my dress, the guys getting kicked out of the pool, and seeing many of my friends partaking in a "bathtub party" on top of all the fun at the dance? Not likely.

But did my weekend stop there? No, that would be too simple. Instead, my friend Jenna had been born 21 years previous, so I hopped in the Blazer on Sunday morning, slightly hungover but mostly rested, and headed off to Pipestone. In Pipe-rock I picked up my friend Jennie and we began the trek to Fargo. Luckily we were able to talk the entire time (didn't even turn the stereo up the whole way) and complain for a majority of that time about the stupidity of driving to Fargo for this party. But, things turned out just fine...Jenna's mom had rented a stretch Escalade for us to use which came with 2-for-1 coupons for every bar in Fargo. Needless to say, we drank some. Then, after witnessing Jenn empty her stomach a few times, pulling her from the bathroom floor, and tucking her into bed, Jennie and I retired for the evening at 3:00 in the morning.

Still, the fun keeps going. We had to be up by 4:30 so that I could be to work in Brookings by 8, and Jenna (hungover and pale) needed to begin classes at MN West at 9. Ugh. I survived the drive back and a 6 hour work day on Monday, and then it hit me:

I have nothing to do.

No homework. No stuff at the office. No meetings. No papers. Nothing.

And I think I like it. I hadn't allowed myself to not do anything, in I don't know how long. For at least a few days, I think I will like a slower pace. I will enjoy life without a to-do list. I won't look at my planner to see what I have going on. I can just sit. I think I can handle this.

"But your wheels just turn, down the road ahead."

"In her glass was a bleeding man..."

...and if you try sometimes you just might find...

I can't say that I have ever been truly surprised by an MSN Messenger conversation. Usually, these conversations are fairly light-hearted and nothing of great importance is ever typed. That was until last night. It was not just the conversation itself, it was the implications that went along with it. The conversation opened my eyes to a situation I never knew existed, and least I didn't know I knew it existed.

I found out last night that I am someone's unattainable girl. Or was someone's unattainable girl. I have never been unattainable (at least to my knowledge) and thought I always played the "attainable card." Still, I found out last night that there was someone who had truly wanted a relationship with me, but thought that I was too far a stretch for him.

Last night he thanked me for this. This took me aback. Usually if I want something, I don't thank the person who is inhibiting me from getting it. But he did; he thanked me for not letting his feelings for me change the way I viewed and acted around him. But that's the thing: I didn't know there were feelings that should be changing my opinion of him! Even more convoluted is the fact that I think he is a great guy--perhaps relationship material.

But, no. I was unattainable. After he informed me of his former feelings for me, we started looking at how things could have been different if I had known what he was thinking. Things could have worked out between the two of us. Things might not have. He has a girlfriend now (not a great one...I am not a big fan as a matter of fact, but that is neither here nor there) who he would not be dating if we had gotten together. Don't get me wrong, I am happy where I am at right now, but it is a little bittersweet to think that I could be somewhere else.

Somewhere that I wouldn't be against being. Sometimes you just want to know that there is someone there, but I lost my "there" person by being unknowingly unattainable. I purposely make myself look attainable for precisely that reason--I want to be.

This whole thing really came out of left field--way left field. And now I am thinking about things that never were and never can be and I had the power to change that, but didn't. And I don't want anyone to think I want sympathy--yeah, I know that "it must be tough to have guys wanting you." Because I have heard that before. But it is different when the ball was in my court without my realizing it and I blew it. Kinda sucks.

~~However~~
-I have 7 pages left on my paper whose topic I broadened so as to make my life easier...it is now about homosexuality in Victorian England and how it impacted the works of Oscar Wilde.
-I have to get my oil changed today.
-I am getting my eyebrows done at 12:30.
-I have 1 hour, 43 minutes of work left for the week.
--These things give me something to think about other than stupid MSN. It's gonna be a long day.

...you get what you need."

just seeing how this works

"I ride this train...

...in the windswept afternoon."

So there I was, not in the afternoon at all. Sitting at work for the 9th hour of the day. No, this isn't a problem--I am a big kid and can spend a "full day's work" at work...but that doesn't mean I want to. I worked from midnight-2am, 7:45-11am, and am currently working on my 9pm-2am shift. Not that I would be doing anything better with my time. I just finished a 2 page account of why "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde is well/poorly written and if it is moral/immoral (MTRR that this is truly objective [as my paper states] but it is well written and a book can be neither moral nor immoral...so there).

However, the time spent in between times I spent at the library were interesting. I went shopping (I have a love/hate relationship with shopping, but am happy with my purchases), went to Caribou (and branched out by getting a turtle mocha), went to Subway (and did not branch out from my Chicken, Bacon, Ranch on Italian Herb and Cheese with tomatoes, lettuce, black olives, and jalapenos), and had some looooong conversations with many of my friends (which, for the most part, accomplished what each conversation set out to do). I have a quasi-feeling of accomplishment, though there are so many other things I should do (write a 10 page paper, finish the other 75 points of my take-home exam, study for finals). I keep saying "tomorrow" but Friday may come before I get enough tomorrows to get things done. This should be more troublesome than it really is. But things will work out, they always do. Seems to be a pandemic around here--but one of those good pandemics.

"I ride this train In a dream-like state of mind."

"And I, I Want to Thank You...

...for giving me the best time of my life"

Well, unlike T, I didn't have the dexterity to leave a drunken post last night. In fact, I barely had the coordination to lay in the hallway singing "Had a Bad Day" or to keep my head out of the toilet. But now I am much more coherent and, despite my churning stomach and foggy head, I am able to leave a post. I think it is fitting to thank the people who helped me get to this point; here goes.

Thank you:
~Claussen: for graduating, for coming downtown last night, for coming to the bathroom last night to watch me puke, for tearing off numeorus pieces of toilet paper for me to utilize.
~Britt: for graduating, for holding my hair as I puked the first round, for letting me know that "it's okay," for letting me laugh at your dirty feet...because they really were gross.
~X-mas: for graduating, for saving me from random guy at the bar, for walking with me across the parking lot when everyone left me there crying because "I can't go any farther," for making me drink that glass of water, for finding me that beautiful blue towel that wasn't beautiful after I used it.
~T: for sticking with me for another semester, for letting me sing loudly and badly in the hallway, for taking pictures of me in my drunken state.
~Suzy: for making us go to Bob 'n' Abe's where I could puke in some random toilet, for pushing me off the mailbox.
~Canada: for laughing at me while I puked...wait, that's not a good one, for watching the camera all night so we could document the evening.
~Ginger: for coming to play in Brookings.
~The Drunk Bus: for letting me ride you for free, for stopping at the Blues (Toot Toot!), for letting Zobes be your monitor.
~SDSU: I just love SDSU...hence me staying for 5 years.
~Peggy: just 'cause.

I think that is sufficient. And everyone else: you rock too. Just sayin'.

ETA: Suzy: for letting me go to Bob and Abe's...I wanted to go until I realized I was "that girl at the party who is puking" and I was curious about that hookah-y-thingy, for taking the picture when someone else pushed me off the mailbox...either way, it was pretty funny, for leaving me a Discover Engineering/EWEEK note...this paper will never go away.

ETA2: I changed my settings (before I got this note mind you) so that everyone can leave messages.

"All the big shots sit on the steps of St. Patrick's...

...watching the show go by. And if the flying man chases elephants, there's no better reason to get high."

I gave in. I wanted a blogspot blog like all the other cool kids, and since I am done with classes for the semester, I decided to do it today.

Not that I have anything deep and meaningful to say today...my brain is tired but my thesis is done. My eyes are tired but I have already gone to and came from the bars this afternoon. I have lots of stuff I could do but I think I am just going to put in a movie until T gets home.

I am currently listening to a CD my friend Cy recorded and it has 5 of my favorite songs on it, and it is even better because he does he own vocals (obviously) and guitar-playing. He is amazing. I have come to realize just how amazing some of my friends are; it seems like the realization that comes with the senioritis we are all feeling at the same time. I hate cross-roads, and I feel like that is where I am at.

With that said, I am putting a movie in and napping. What a great first post this was....

"If the influence leads to decadence, I won't be eloquent tonight."