"It's been one week..."

...but I lie; it's been two.

It has been 2 weeks since I last wrote something...yet I have been so busy it seems like "just yesterday."

Since last writing, I have moved into a new apartment. This is quite the new experience, but I am liking it so far. I have just a few boxes left to unpack, then I can hang stuff on my walls. I am so excited for that!! Mom and Dad got me a 27" flat screen TV as a housewarming gift, then got me a new microwave as well as the old one lost its turntable. I love new things! I hung new vertical blinds last week--okay, Nick hung them and I made him breakfast and handed him tools, but I was present! I am so ready for this place to just be "home" and not a mess of boxes and disorder--hopefully tomorrow I will get it whipped into shape.

I have been to two weddings in 2 weeks. The first was a friend from home who also happened to be one of my sorority sisters. She had a phenomenal, beautiful wedding and was a gorgeous bride. It was great to be at home and see old friends and hang out with all my sisters and the guys from the fraternity we are associated with (AGR, Rach). I also made Stumplifters all on my own and am happy to report that they taste the same when made in the comfort of one's own kitchen as they do at Chubb's.

The second wedding was not as beautiful. Maybe it was the 107 degree heat. Maybe it was the lack of AC in the church. Maybe it was the fact that they forgot the marriage license at the Ranch (45 minutes away) and realized it 10 minutes before the wedding was set to start. Maybe it was the prairie fires that popped up mere miles from the Ranch during the reception. Who knows.

It was my cousin's wedding and she has never been much of a planner. I was her personal attendant, but I ended up becoming a jill-of-all-trades. She wanted an inexpensive wedding, so simply bought a bunch of random decorations and said "have at 'em." Mom and I did what we could with the church and reception hall, and it actually turned out to be what I call "simplistically elegant." However, my cousin's mother (my ex-aunt if they make those) had nothing at all to do with the wedding and made the whole thing a headache for everyone else. How hard is it to cut a few checks, cut a few streamers, and sprinkle some glitter? It is your daughter's wedding day! Grr. Never liked that woman. But it all worked out. They are married and truly in love, and that is all that matters.

Speaking of prairie fires: they were amazing. I stood outside the reception hall and watched the storm blowing in across the river. The sky was magnificent and the lightening bolts were like none I had ever seen. Each one hit the ground due to the fact that it hasn't rained up there in over a month and I saw a fire start before my eyes. It grew and grew and then the long-awaited rain began to put it out...really cool. We all went out and danced in the rain because there is nothing that the people in north-western South Dakota need more right now than rain. Thank God they got some.

That is all I will go on about. Hopefully things will settle down again now. No moving, no weddings, just the same ol' same ol'. Here's hoping.

"I'm starting with the [wo]man in the mirror...

...Take a look at yourself, and then make a change."

I am not who I thought I would grow up to be.

The girl I see in the mirror brushing her teeth is far from the girl I used to be. So much more than the reflection has changed. I wonder what the little girl in the mirrow would think of the one who searches her reflection now.

The little girl was kind, shy, and compassionate. She wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt anyone. Say anything that could be taken the wrong way. She didn't swear, lie, or fight. She put others above herself and wanted nothing more than to make her daddy proud. She strived so hard to make everyone else happy...and that was enough.

The person today is a far cry from the little, innocent girl with long brown hair. She has done things the little girl would have never dreamed of doing when she grew up. The older one has said things that are hurtful. Has talked behind the backs of others. Has lied to protect herself. Has put herself in positions that would have been near-atrocities in the eyes of the young one. She has hurt her friends and put herself above the others in her life. She has taken people for granted whom the little girl would have gone to the end of the earth and back for.

The little girl knew what she wanted in life. Her plan was set in stone and she knew she would not waiver from it. Her confidence in herself was remarkable and she knew she was fallible, but that she would succeed.

The girl of today has no idea what she wants. Her life's plan has all but flown out the window. She barely knows what she will do in the next week much less the next ten years.

Where did the confidence go? Where did the compassion and innocence disappear to? Would the little girl who once stood on a stool to see in the mirror recognize what her reflection has become? Who she has made herself into?

Would she approve?

"You can wonder, if you wanna, but I never ask why...

And you can try to hold me down, but I'll spit in your eye and say that you can't stop the beat!"

I am at an impass. I have nothing to write about, but nothing better to do. The book I am reading (The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova) is kind of slow right now, so it is hard to push my way through. I work 'til 5, so I hope to get to a good part by that time. Here are random Eik-deas (like ideas, but mine!).

~My hair is really curly today. Much moreso than usual and I think I like it.
~I love playing tennis in the morning...it really gets me geared up for the rest of the day. Plus, it isn't so blasted hot then. However, I only won one game today, and I got mad at Nick for beating me. Next week it is on!
~There is a puppy staying at my apartment this weekend! I am excited. He is my "nephew" Tyson and I am pretty sure I might spoil him!
~I was the bigger person today by telling Nick that he should go home for the weekend. It would have been nice to have him keep me occupied this weekend when Claus is busy, but home is important too! I didn't want to be the reason he stayed and wasn't happy about it.
~When renting movies, it is important to consider past history one holds with the person whom they are watching the movie with. For example, if you want to watch "Just Friends" consider the fact that there was a time when there was a waivering between 'just friends' and 'something more.' Otherwise, it can make for a slightly awkward situation that requires a conversation afterwards to make sure that everything is okay with the two of you. (For the record, we are fine...no more awkwardness.)
~My cousin is trying to hook me up with people who will be at her wedding. This creeps me out a little bit because her male friends are checking out my senior pictures (5 year old Sr. pictures) and asking if I am single. Bless her heart, for some of them I am single, and for some of them I am taken (at least she is culling the undesirable ones for me!). But the one she is really pushing for graduated from West Point and is apparently quite attractive...this intrigues me.
~I have been drinking a lot of lemon-water lately and found out that it raises your metabolism. Yes! And I wasn't even doing it for that...I just like the taste!
~I broke my Nalgene yesterday. As I figured would eventually happen, I dropped it at the right angle and there is a split that circles the middle of the poor guy now. I am hoping the company will send a new one since they are "indestructible." We'll see!

Okay, that is enough randomness. Back to reading. Have a great, safe weekend. Make good choices and don't forget to miss me!

"How bizarre...

...It's making me crazy...every time I look around."

I like to think of myself as a logical person. I tend to think issues out before freaking out about them. Especially when it is something that I know to be illogical; even then I am one of the first to point out that I am being illogical.

And here I am, Ms. Illogical.

I know that to most people the incidents of the past couple day would be nothing--simple things that have a logical explanation that I am just not picking up on. Yet, that is the thing: I can't figure out why.

Last night at work I was doing rounds to ensure no one was left in the building. This is routine--I do it every night that I close. I walk up and down the aisles at the library looking down each row to make sure I notice everyone. While doing this last night, I heard a male's voice seemingly from behind me. I turned and found no one there. I kept walking forward, thinking I would catch a glimpse of whoever it was. After re-looking through the floor and not finding anyone, I went back downstairs. It kinda freaked me out, but I chalked it up to janitors that weren't supposed to be there for another 2 hours.

Then, I had judging practice tonight. I was in my bathroom before leaving to throw on some make-up quick, and from what I can remember, everything was normal. But when I came back 4 hours later and went into my bathroom I saw that the shower curtain was pulled back (which we never do) and the toilet lid was up (also something that we never do). No one else (other than Theresa) was at my apartment tonight and Theresa didn't go into the bathroom and move things.

So who did? I have spent the past hour and 45 minutes on the phone with various friends who have convinced me that it is probably nothing. The comedy (Fever Pitch) and alcohol (Woodchucks) have also helped a little.

Still, I don't want to go to bed...maybe I'll lock my bedroom door.

"The clocks tick and the cattle graze...

...back where I come from."

My few days home were magnificent! It's funny how you don't realize how much you need to go home until you are already there. There was not a thing that I would have changed. Really. Recap:

Went home Monday night after I realized I did not, in fact, have judging practice. Had supper at home, watched some TV, and then took a camera out so I could get use up the film that was in it. I wanted to just take some "around the farm" shots, so that is what I did. I ended up going out to the pasture and playing with the cows and the babies and then Daddy came home so we stood out there and did "cow talk" where he asks my opinion on the herd. I LOVE it when he does this--it shows that he finally appreciates my opinion on some of the things that are the most important to him. Then Jenna called and wanted me to head into town. After some deliberation, I went into Pipestone to meet the girls and we attempted to go to the nice bar. Nice bar was closed, so we went to the American Legion--classy. Sat and talked, heard some of the worst stories ever, and decided to go to Lange's Cafe. Headed home after some mozerella sticks and more conversation.

Tuesday: Helped with chores and such in the barn. Helped Mom in the garden. Watched "National Treasure." Headed into town with the family to find the grocery store closed (ah, small town) so we went to the Indian Mart (real name) and bought s'mores makings and the new Parrot Bay drinks. (I love buying alcohol with Daddy because we like to try new things!) Went to Aunt Linda and Uncle Mark's with the whole family. Didn't get any deviled eggs because we seem to forget that the family keeps growing and 24 deviled eggs is not enough for everyone. Drank previously purchased alcohol, set off some fireworks, watched the Casino show from the hill, headed home.

Wednesday morning: helped with chores again. This time we took some pictures to prove it--I love doing chores!! Shot Grady's .22 shotgun for the first time ever and impressed the heck out of Daddy. I had never shot before (ever) and got a score that would have placed me in the Top 10 for the Minnesota State Shoot. He made me shoot the air pistol after that to see if I really was that good of a shot...I am! Things you learn! Headed over to Grandma's so she could donate to the "Jessica moving into a new apartment" cause. Came back to Brookings.

All in all, it was a great couple of days. I got to spend time with the family, do cattle chores (which I miss SO much and love doing), and hang out with "little brother." Who could ask for anything more!?

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Quotes from the weekend:

Dad: "You know, if we had a radio, I could listen to the Twins out by the fire."
Gee, Dad. There is a radio in the barn that carries all the way to the house....He decided to drive the truck up into the yard instead.

Jenna: "I haven't told you the worst part yet."
Me: "What? That he is divorced twice and has a kid on the way?"
Jenna: "No. Worse!"
Jennie: "What, he's balding?"
Jenna: "Closer, but still worse!"
If only everyone's "worse parts" were as awful as Jenna's...the world would be a great place.

Jenna: "You think they'd mind if I drove drunk? I mean, not drunk drunk. Like, not .08 drunk, but drunk. You know what I mean? Drunkish?"
Probably, Jenn, probably.

Jennie: "Yeah, over there in that yonder part of the state they don't make radar detectors."
Jenna: "Really? How do they get people?"
Jess: "Oh, they guess."
Jenna: "Is that legal?"
Jennie: "Sure!"
Jess: "Yeah, Jennie's brother's a cop--she'd know!"
Jenna: "Oh..."
At least there is one person in my life who makes me look smart...and I thank Jenna for being that person!

"You're happy to be...

...with me on the 4th of July."

I love my family.

Yup, this is a fairly trite statement that can be made by a large majority of the population. Still, sometimes I have to remind myself of this fact.

To do so, I am heading to the farm for the 4th of July. This was not the original plan. Rather, I was going to run home to have a judging team practice for the 4-Hers I coach in Pipestone Co. and then head back to B-town tonight and drink and tan all day tomorrow. Then the snowball began rolling.

First, I received an email from my aunt regarding the family celebration everyone is planning. This got me wishing I could go, but I knew it would be illogical for me to go home for fireworks and then drive back for work the next day. But then as fate would have it, I got my shifts switched at work so I don't have to be in until the late afternoon on Wednesday. Score! Now the trip seems worthwhile.

Still, I know that my family will undoubtedly do something to test my love for them. My aunt and uncle will have a fight. Or a cousin will fart in my face (it has happened once, it will again). Or little brother will make a snide remark. Or grandma will make a comment about the almost illegitimate child my new aunt is bearing. Or grandpa will once again ask me is I will give the eulogy at his funeral.

Yes, this is my family. All the idiosyncrasies combined with alcohol and explosives should make for a good time. And I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Happy 4th!!

"Like every inch of me is bruised....

I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this."

I hurt.

The sad thing is that a) it was pretty much self-inflicted and b) this is day 3 of the hurt.

Here's the story: I was helping a friend move out of the residence hall she stayed in while we all worked on campus for the month of June. A few days before she had been escaping from the lovely police officers who were mad at her for drinking underage and had severly sprained her ankle by falling into a hole. Since I knew she couldn't cart her belongings down 4 flights of stairs, I offered my assistance. All was going well, and we had made 5 previous trips down the stairs to her car and we were on the last load: a large Tupperware container that took both of us to carry. Being the nice person I am, I allowed her to lead and I brought up the rear. All was going well until the final 5 steps when she got a bit too far ahead of me, my flip-flop slipped and I bounced down the remaining steps. Enter the pain. I fell soundly on my right buttock. So soundly in fact that there is a bruise the size of which I have never seen. Seriously, the thing is about the size of a salad plate and the color of a very ripe eggplant. Luckily, the swelling it caused has finally gone down. I have learned to sit only on my left side, but it is getting frustrating. I have been reduced to only wearing sweats as anything else just hurts too much. All in all, this was an awful experience, and I hope everyone learns an important lesson from this: no flip-flops while moving. Yup, I blame it on shoddy footwear.

This escapade did not only mar my Fourth of July plans (not that I had many, but now I have even fewer) but it also made my rummage-saling more difficult this weekend. First of all, it is hard to get in and out of cars. Secondly, it hurts to walk at times as the muscles beneath the bruise move when I walk. Third, I bought a recliner. I am happy about this, but I could not fully test how comfortable it is when it hurts to sit. Well, I have it anyway, so now I will have more seating when people come visit!

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And now for something completely different: I am back to working at the library. Today is my first day back in a little over a month. Whereas I appreciate the limited responsibilities and ease of my job, I am going to miss the daily action, crisis, and excitement of Orientation. Sigh.

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Something else: Beware the names you choose as your MSN display names. I was questioned the other night as to whether or not I was pregnant. The answer is no, but I guess the words "Jess: Education Now and Babies Later" lead others to think otherwise. Just sayin'.