Just Like Eik

"I don't care too much for money...

2009-08-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

...money can't buy me love."**

I would like to preface this post with the fact that I am not, by any means, a feminist. To be honest, I like the idea of having males around and have no problem with asking my boyfriend to change the oil in my Blazer or help install my air conditioner, and I don't mind doing his laundry if I am there doing my own laundry. Still, I like to think of myself as relatively self-sufficient and successful and like the fact that I have a great job that (for my first job out of college) pays fairly well. All of this taken together should point to the fact that I shouldn't be bothered by what I am currently bothered by.

My boyfriend just bought a new pickup. Why does this bother me? Because he just bought it. He decided on Saturday that he wanted a new pickup, called the guy he was going to get it from on Monday and said he wanted it, and wrote a check that day. Didn't take out a loan, didn't check his finances, didn't even sell his old pickup to cover costs. Just bought it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like knowing that he has money enough to cover things like that; hving his own business definitely helps--I've seen the paperwork from said business and I know how much he charges and brings in at a time. But I am struggling with the fact that he is so much better off than I am financially. Not that I am not financially sound, but he is leaps and bounds ahead of where I am. Granted, a lot of his money is tied to the business, but he has sole say of what money goes from the business to his bank account, so they are one in the same.

Is it normal to be uneasy about being with someone who has more money than you?

**Editor's note: Despite the presence of the l-word in the title, the bf and I haven't not exchanged "I love yous." We currently "like eachother more than anyone else in the world." And yup, that's a direct quote.

"Just a small town girl...

2009-05-31T12:14:00.000-07:00

...living in a lonely world."

Okay, I'll admit it. I really do love living in small-town Western South Dakota. I love the laidback nature of everything, I love knowing most of the people in town, and I love that everyone gets excited about the one social event that happens every week (yup, one...either you go or you don't, but if you don't you are screwed until next week's social event). And, I used to love knowing all the little tidbits of gossip that spread like the wildfires that are sure to happen later this summer due to the lack of moisture.

Until I became one of those tidbits. First of all, it is tough to be single in a small town. First of all, almost everyone is in a relationship. Second, since everyone is paired up it is hard to find anyone to even be in a relationship with. Third, as soon as you find someone, EVERYONE knows. Sometimes even before you do.

Enter my situation. For the past few months, it seems like I have been dating my small town. No, not like I have been seeing a few eligible bachelors from time to time. Rather, it is like I am being interrogated, paraded around, and pushed in different directions towards different guys. It is such a weird feeling. And, the nice young man who I am being pushed toward didn't know much of this was going on until a few weeks ago. I feel a bit like I am entering into an arranged marriage (actually, there are people planning our wedding already, but that is a different story completely...).

To make it even odder, people don't just "see" eachother here. They date. And not "go out on dates to see if there is a possibility of a relationship;" they are instantly in a relationship and are "boyfriend and girlfriend" almost as soon as they start talking to one another. Nothing like skipping all the pre-relationship stuff I guess.

So, here I sit, on a Sunday (at work no less, but that is part of the job I've found) knowing that people are asking questions, placing bets, and saying the ever present "they are such a cute couple" (heard that one a few times...or a million) even though I am not completely sure that I am half of the "couple" of whom they speak.

Small towns amaze me. And, despite the issues that arise, I wouldn't trade 'em. At least for now.

"They say its your...

2009-05-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

...birthday"

I don't want to be one of those people who celebrates her pet's birthday, but it's his first one, so I am a little excited. Henry and I have been together for 7 months and he has made my time in Kadoka much more interesting. He keeps me company and keeps me on my toes.

And, in case you are wondering, maturity does not come with calendar age...just this morning Hank chewed up my Blackberry holster and my sunglasses. Just when I thought things were getting better, he reminds me that puppy-hood lasts a while. Dangit.

However, despite my utter frustration (and fears that my phone will now start dialing random people since it isn't holstered), I still like the little guy.

"What'cha gonna do...

2009-04-06T13:28:00.000-07:00

...what'cha gonna do when they come for you. Bad boys, bad boys."

Sometimes I lament working in the basement of the courthouse. I have no real windows to speak of, few people come down here, and it is almost always cold. However, there are days that I truly do enjoy it down here, if even for a brief moment. Today, I was offered a glimpse into why I like the basement on occassion.

The reason: I work across from the Sheriff's Department. For the 1st six months of this job, this meant nothing as the sheriff was never in nor was the deputy and I never saw the city cop. However, we got a new sheriff and deputy and they are in the office now. Bonus number 1: the deputy is kinda cute (but married with kids). Bonus number 2: the deputy's kids come in sometimes and I entertain them with Play-doh and K'nex. Bonus number 3: the sheriff and deputy spend time at the office, so I actually get company on occassion--this is a neat concept to me. And this bonus (the 3rd one) leads me to why I enjoyed today.

The Highway Department has an office based out of Kadoka, therefore the hi-po occassionally brings people in for breaking laws in my wonderful county. Today was one such day. I heard the Courthouse door open and, since I am finding it hard to concentrate today, I looked over. I found a sight that always makes my heart race a little--a person being brought in in handcuffs. Background: we have court-day every other Thursday and I have seen numerous people brought in not only in handcuffs, but in shackles and chains. So this was no uncommon occurence, but it still kinda freaks me out, because I have no real good way of escape if it comes down to it. Anyway, I saw this guy in handcuffs followed by his mother and what I assumed was a grandfather...or lawyer. I immediately turned down the volume on my iHome so I could hear what went down.

Okay...so it wasn't that exciting. The kid didn't have a driver's license and got pulled over for going 80 in a 65. But the part that got me was the mom's laid-back attitude towards the whole thing. She laughed throughout the time they spent filling out paperwork and, as she exited the Sheriff's Office, called "Have a great day" to the hi-po and deputy sheriff. I love when things go well at the Sheriff's Office. I also get a sick joy out of finding out why people get brought in. Crazy? Maybe...but Kadoka is a little slow-paced, so I gotta get entertainment where I can.

"It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it..."

2009-01-22T18:17:00.000-08:00

...working 9 to 5."

Well, hopefully I get to keep doing so....

I don't know if you've heard or not, but the economy isn't doing so hot right now. Many companies are downsizing across the nation. Surprisingly, SoDak has felt the crunch too, though we were able to stave it off for a little while. Today, the governor's new budget proposal came out and it has my co-workers and I worried.

I work for Cooperative Extension which is part of the College of Ag. & Bio which is part of SDSU which is part of the Board of Regents. The BOR budget has been cut $5.5 million. Of that, Extension is being cut $1 million. That is almost 20% of that cut, which is a decent percentage in my mind.

The problem comes in that I am the 4th newest person to be hired state-wide and the 2nd newest in my specific position. I don't have much along the lines of seniority, and my area of the state is fairly well covered with youth development educators. $1 million is a lot of money and I think the only way to cut that amount is to cut people--but I certainly hope I am wrong. The BOR announced today that they are doing away with 5 positions in the area of accounting and are completely closing the School for the Deaf--that is a lot of jobs that just vanished.

So here, I am, worrying. Plus, the Post Office in Kadoka lost my student loan statement for the month, so I got a late fee. I am now officially upset.

"What are you doing the rest of your life..."

2009-01-15T13:24:00.000-08:00

...the north and south and east and west of your life?"

Today? Not much it seems.

Repeat after me (ala Bambi in the "bir-dah, bird" scene): Bore-dah. Bore-dah. Bore-dah. Bored.

Yup, I am bored. I was planning on not being in the office today and tomorrow for a business trip, but it got postponed. I hadn't planned on doing anything these 2 days and had worked ahead earlier in the week to compensate for my absence. Now, I am here with very little to do. Today I have:
-ordered toys off of Amazon.com and bid on some more toys on ebay. I love my job in that I get to order toys.
-goofed off during an on-line teleconference. I know I learned something about the teenage brain, but I couldn't tell you what it was.
-sent numerous pointless and quasi-important emails. But nothing earth shattering, except for this one which was sent to everyone in Extension on my side of the state:

All,

Due to a series of unfortunate events, [coworker] and myself are mourning the abandonment of our county laptops in Brookings. What was supposed to be a short stint with Chuck to make sure that they worked appropriately and that we could function adequately with them has drastically turned into an extended layover with no escape for weeks to come.

So, we are inquiring if anyone is planning on going to Brookings in the near future and, if so, we would like to plead our case for you to graciously return said laptops to this side of the state. Thereafter, we can make further arrangements to pick them up. If you are making such a trip, please let [coworker] or myself know. We, and our laptops, would appreciate it.

Thanks again,
Jessica & [coworker]

I got a kick out of this, as did many of my fellow educators who informed me they couldn't pick up my computer, but that they liked the email regardless.

Now I think I am going to build a robot. I have nothing better to do, and it sounds like a good idea. Who doesn't build robots at work? Additionally, I haven't removed my Christmas mix off my iPod and it is not cool to be playing Christmas carols at the office in January.

"My mind is in a tailspin...

2008-09-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

...so much frustration."

Big news: I just figured out how to answer the phone at my desk in my secondary office. Big news...big news.

I also love being the new kid that everyone gossips to. I like all of my coworkers, but they all have hidden (or not-so-hidden) animosity towards one another and tell me all about it. This is fine, but everyone tells me the exact opposite of what everyone else says. It really makes it hard for me to cast my own judgements. But at least it keeps me entertained.

Lastly, I found out this morning I am getting turned into my boss's boss's boss about discrimination against a family. WHAT?! To be completely honest, I have not yet directly dealt with a family, so I am interested to know how I am discriminating against anyone. I'm meeting with the family this afternoon--should be a riot.

Also, I am finding out that it is hard to integrate oneself into a small community. Its like I have the plague or something like that. Which reminds me of a talk I had with T about the plague and the fact that no one wants the plague. ha. Anyway, I am getting frustrated.

And now I have ranted. Whew. But I can still answer my phone!!

"Everyone's famous...

2008-09-11T09:47:00.000-07:00

in a small town."

Okay, quick update to make the rest of this make sense:

I moved to Western SD at the end of August to take a job as the 4-H/Youth Development Extension Educator in Haakon and Jackson Counties. I have been working here now for 2.5 weeks and am getting around to meeting people. For those of you from small towns, you may appreciate this.

Kadoka and Philip (the two towns I work in) share a newspaper company meaning that stories that deal with both cities get published in both papers automatically. Nice deal. Well, last week I was finally in town when the interviewer lady (Rhonda) could come interview me. Great. I cleaned off my desk and prepared myself to talk about how excited I was to be working with all the families and whatnot--like an interview for a new person in town would be expected to go.

But no. Instead, I was asked about my life before moving out here for pretty much all of the interview. Now, this makes sense--it allows all these people who have known eachother since diapers and crayolas get to know me a little better. Fair enough; I told her all about growing up on the other side of the River.

Then, towards the end, Rhonda and I were just making small talk. She asked if it was hard coming out here where I didn't know anyone. "Sure, but everyone here is so nice and welcoming, I feel at home already." She then asked if I had left a significant other ont he other side of the state.

Boom. There it was. The infamous "Are you single?" question I've been getting for weeks. But, since I had become accustomed to it I answered that, yes, I was single. She closed her notepad, snapped some pictures, and left. Easy enough.

Fastforward to Wednesday. The paper came out and there I was, taking up a quarter of the front page (above the fold). And, in the 5th paragraph are the words that will follow me everywhere for the next few months: "young, single, and energetic." Wow. Nothing like advertising it to 2 counties!

I love small communities.

"On the road again..."

2008-05-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

...just can't wait to get on the road again."

So, a quick update on what is new in my life. I am continuing my Spring job a ways into the Summer. I was in DC last week for re-training and am off to Seattle tomorrow for a conference. Then I will be in Denver followed by New Orleans.

Then the fun begins; I will be in Philadelphia for the rest of the summer doing a combination of what I did last summer and this spring. I'll be living at Villanova University and will get a number of consecutive days off to explore and take trains into different cities (aka New York or DC!). So I'm fairly excited...I love my job, the people I work with, and the kids. And the travel isn't too bad either; I am now an Elite member for Northwest and have quite a few United points too. Yee haw.

Other than that, I had a minor eye surgery today for a stye that I had had for 2 months. It was a weird feeling, but worth it to get rid of the stye. So yeah...gross.

Lastly, I am at a loss for what to do with my future. I'm slowly trying to figure it out, but I am getting pulled in a lot of different ways. Hopefully time'll tell. Until then, I am getting a new phone to make me happy. A Blackberry Curve will be mine tomorrow--21st Century, here I come!

Hopefully now that I have a little more time, I'll write more. I like writing. Worth a try, huh?

"Quit my job...

2008-03-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

...took my name off the payroll."

I quit my job yesterday. That is all. If you would like more details, let me know...I might write more once the shock of it all wears off, but right now, that's all I have.

"Someone said my words are out of balance..."

2008-01-19T21:58:00.000-08:00

...nothing to say."

Okay, since I quasi got in trouble with some people for not telling anyone other than my family and about 3 of my friends about this new job, I decided that I will try to keep everyone updated through this blog in case I don't talk to you. That way you'll know what time zone I am in and can then gauge what time you call me!

I got back from Virginia this morning at about 1:30 due to some problems at MSP. I had first class seating the whole way from DC to Sioux Falls, but I had a double connection, so I spent over 7 hours in either a plane or airport yesterday. First class was nice and I drank a lot of wine--which was good due to the fact that my first flight was pretty rough. I had enough time on my Detroit layover to check out the lady's room and then flew into MSP. Whereas I thought I'd have to book it to get to my plane on time (due to some extensive taxiing), I had tons of time as there were problems with the first plane so we had to switch terminals after standing around for 35 minutes (keep in mind, I was one of the last people there, so there were some fools who waited a looooong time) and once we got on our new plane they had to reload the fuel so we didn't fly crooked. Bonus: lots of wine while waiting for the changes to be made. However, my already-late arrival just got later. Another non-bonus: the freakishly cold temps here! Good lord!

Now I am in SoDak for 10 days and then I'll go back to DC. My job is amazing--I loved every minute of training except for the minutes before my mock-facilitation time when I felt like I'd puke. Don't worry--it went well. I also got my per diem check up front with overly-high estimates on how much things will cost, so that is neat. Yay for free money.

That is all I really have. More travel-updates will be posted as they become available; pictures too.

"Slow down, you crazy child...

2008-01-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

...Vienna waits for you."

So, in the past couple weeks I have gotten myself into something really exciting. I got hired for my dream job! I was hired by the Congressional Youth Leadership Conference and will act as a faculty advisor. This means that for 8 weekends this spring, I will be traveling around the country helping 8th and 9th grade students realize their leadership potential. The company pays for my airfare, hotel, food, and everything else plus a real paycheck. Neat.

I was hired officially on Tuesday, made my travel arrangements on Wednesday, and flew into DC this morning. I left Brookings at 4:45am for my flight that was supposed to leave at 6:45, but didn't leave Sioux Falls until 8--stupid airplane computers. At any rate, I made it here, and get to fly first class on the way home. I can handle that.

So, here I am, in Vienna, VA for paid training for a week. I have met some of my co-workers and many of the people who are working the same track as me (there are 3 tracks and we all fly to different places). This will be fun...as long as I can keep all parts of my life in order as I am still working on my Masters and am still a GTA for composition. We'll see!

So yeah. In the words of Billy, Vienna waited for me...how considerate!

"A rich man's a thief

2007-11-18T10:19:00.000-08:00

...or philanthropist."

Is there a certain date that rich people need to donate money by? Am I just unaware of this cut-off? In the past week, SDSU has received 2 ginormous donations (one from Avera McKennan [for the pharmacy program] and one from Dana Dykhous [for the athletic complex]). This is big news--namely because it is big money and what institution of higher education doesn't want more money? However, I read just now that Denny Sanford (philanthropist extraordinaire) is working on donating $20 million to a hospital in California.

What is causing all of this giving? And where do I sign up to be on the receiving end?

"Karma Karma Karma Karma...

2007-11-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

...Karma Chameleon."

I have been pretty sickly for the past 3.5 weeks now. It started with an issue that required a minor surgery to take place. This was all fine and good--I thought that was the end of my maladies, and after making friends with Percocet, I thought I was on the road to recovery. However, the problem obviously caused my immune system more duress than I anticipated.

Two weeks ago, I got a cold. Normally this would not be so much an issue, but I haven't been able to kick it because I never got fully recovered from the surgery, so my body is playing catch-up. So, I have traded my friendship with Percocet for an alliance with Aleve Cold and Sinus and Airborne...Zicam is on the list of potential allies to draw in. I have heavily cut my use of tissues, so I thought I was once again on the road to health. Little did I know.

I headed into the doctor today so I could get checked out after the surgery to make sure everything was back in place. I was given a clean bill of health and the doc even commented on how well I had recovered. SCORE! I was stoked. I even told Nick that I had been called really healthy because I was so excited to be back in the game. Then my eye started itching.

Yup, I am getting/already have a stye in my right eye. I don't know exactly how I got it, but Mommy Ann says it is probably the fact that my immune system still hasn't caught up. I say its karma, but it could very well be both. But REALLY...I am quite tired of this. My new BFF is a warm compress and, if it continues, I will get stye cream.

To add insult to injury/sickness Ma's insurance lost my paperwork, so whereas I am technically insured because we have been paying for it, no one can seem to find the documentation of it. Still, they keep letting me see the good doctors at Brookings Medical (So far I have had 1 ER visit, 3 doctor visits, 4 phone calls to talk with doctors, and 3 trips to the pharmacy just in the past 3.5 weeks.). I just don't want to go back anymore! I'd try petitioning my body, but I am pretty sure it'll win out.

"Diamonds are a...

2007-11-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

...girl's best friend.

So...
I haven't posted in a while. I would love to blame it on a number of things, but really, I just haven't. Yeah, I (and the rest of the world) have been busy, but that isn't a great excuse. However, a monumental thing happened last night. (And no, I didn't get engaged.)

I watched Moulin Rouge the whole way through! This movie has been out since 2001 and it has taken me 6 years to watch it all the way through. I usually fall asleep 45-55 minutes in. I know the beginning by rote--it is just the rest that hung me up. However, last night Nick helped me out and I made it through. It took 2 tries, but I did it. He even paused throughout the flick to quiz me on what was happening to make sure I had a grasp on the story line. What a friend.

So yeah. Thought those of you who still read this should know this. I am proud and you should be too!

"Doing my, doing my...

2007-07-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

...doing my thing."

Whelp. I am still in DC. And I still like it. There has been considerably more drama than I had EVER anticipated there being in a job, but I have decided to look past it and just do what I do. I am working with a diverse group of people and appreciate some of them more and more each day and loathe (strong word, I know) others more with each passing minute. But, hey, I am in DC--so there! I am also becoming one of those drivers out here. I do bad things while I drive and don't care anymore. But everyone else does it too...so I am fine in my mind. Plus, I have decided I want my next car to be a Dodge Caliber. Check it out.

I have been shopping a lot and realize that it is really good that there are not tons of great shopping places in SoDak. Georgetown just offers me so many options!! I have spent only $80 on clothes/shoes while here and have gotten 3 dresses, 2 shirts, and 2 pairs of shoes. One word: NICE! I just don't know how I will stuff it all back into my already-too-full suitcases. Meh...I can UPS it back too.

And T is coming to visit VERY soon. I am stoked. She is going to have fun because I am really excited for her to be here. Other than Nick, she'll be the only person from home that I see while I am out here. And whereas I saw Nick for an afternoon (of McDonalds, a movie, a nap, and laundry) I get her to myself for 4 whole days. Nick gets her for a morning, but that doesn't even count.

This has been fairly pointless and boring, but now at least there is a little insight into what is up out here. Hope all is well for you and yours.

"I [left] on a jet plane...

2007-06-18T19:36:00.000-07:00

...[and I] know when I'll be back again."

So, I successfully made it to the Nation's capitol. In the past few days, I have already had quite a bit of fun, but am utterly exhausted. Darn time change.

I flew out of Sioux Falls at 7 on Sunday morning, which meant I left the farm at 5:45am. Ugh. After a short stint in Cincinati, I made it to Dulles, found my luggage, managed to book a Super Shuttle, and got to Georgetown University, where I am staying this summer. However, I didn't get dropped at Kennedy Hall, instead I got left at the Main Gate. After informing the driver that this was indeed Georgetown (which he kept assuring me it was) and that this was not where I had asked to be dropped off, I hitched up my 3 suitcases and computer bag and ventured across campus to find Kennedy. Luckily I found it without much trouble and promptly checked in, called Nick as he is in DC as well, and took a nap. Nick and I went out yesterday afternoon for coffee, sat around on campus and then decided to go to Chinatown to see "Ocean's 13." As he wanted me to become more familiar with the area, we crossed the bridge into Rosslyn and walked to the Metro. The movie was good and even better because Nick bought my ticket in exchange for me buying pop and popcorn. We then trekked back to GU (Nick walked me back even though it meant that he was going considerably out of his way) and I hit the hay.

Today was filled with a ton of training in professional dress in the not-even-as-hot-as-it-will-get-in-DC-heat. Ugh. At least my blazer covered up all the sweat. We decided to treat ourselves to a "night out" and hit up Chipotle, the riverfront, and a bar. However, I am so dehydrated (read: I haven't peed ALL DAY), that my one beer got me pretty buzzed. I was also able to educate the rest of my staff about the beauty that is a red beer with olives. Only one had ever heard of putting tomato juice in her beer and no one had ever heard of olives--not even the bartender. It is a severely midwestern thing, and since I am the only person from the midwest (in fact, there is 1 girl from Seattle and we are the furthest west; our next competition is a girl from Ohio) I was the only one to know of this little secret. I feel I did the world a huge service today. I am getting used to being the novelty as I came from a small town without a mall or stoplight and just got a national chain restaurant 2 years ago, and grew up 20 minutes from town and lived on a gravel road. They can't fathom this and it entertains me.

But sleep also entertains me. And despite the fact that is is not even 10pm at home, I am heading to bed because I am worn out. I'll keep posting to update my progress as I am here. Hope all is well for you!

"Take a look, it's in a book...

2007-06-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

...Reading Rainbow."

I'm a nerd.

Yup, I will admit it. I have assumed it for awhile, but I just realized it now as I was doing something I didn't even think was that abnormal...making me a nerd.

I am reading a book. That, in and of itself, is not odd. I enjoy reading--English majors read. It is the way of the world. However, English majors do something else at times that the rest of the world does not take part in. We take notes on what we read. Generally, this is done so that when we are tested over a piece of literature or have to write a paper about it, we can refer to our notes and in-text underlines to know what to quote and utilize. Seems logical, right?

No. I am reading a book I borrowed from Nick called "The Devil in the White City." It is a nonfiction novel (yeah, a nonfiction novel--a genre I have never experienced) with tons of characters, events, facts, and figures. I found myself getting confused and refering to things I had already read in order to read this book, so I began taking notes. I am now on my 3rd piece of paper (small paper, but still...) with descriptions of characters, their relations to one another, events and places. I hold the book in my left hand and keep the pen in my right. I had to refrain from underlining seemingly important passages as this is not my book and Nick would probably get angry if I marred the pages of his tome.

But seriously! Who does that? Why can't I read for pleasure?

"Going to the place where love and feeling good don't ever cost a thing...

2007-06-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

...and the pain you feel's a different kind of pain."

Okay, so I'm not 'going' home...I am 'coming from' home. But I like the song, so that is what I am going with.

I spent a few (about 4) days on the farm to be there before leaving for DC. I chased cattle, helped run corrals, crossed the creek 4 times (not as fun as it sounds), got a huge scrape on my elbow from falling off the corral after a cow hit me, and got a huge bruise when a different cow reared up and almost killed me. I also baked, gardened, hung out with Mom and Dad, gave the little brother a hair cut, and was basically productive without doing a whole heck of a lot.

Yesterday I "worked" at Mad Jacks with Suzy and got a scone and a free Turtle Mocha that I made myself. I guess coffee skills transfer to different coffee places; now, if I ever need a new job I think I can handle Mad Jacks. Nicole and I grilled and went rummaging--lots of people in this town obviously had kids within the past couple years because all the sales had was baby stuff. Ah, well.

And now I am here. At my apartment. Looking at 3 open suitcases that all have some of my possessions in them. I am trying to figure out the best way in which to divide everything so that I don't have to spend a fortune UPSing myself a package to DC ($90 for my stuff is just too much!) I have a typed, 4-page packing list that I am diligently crossing things off of, but I don't know if it will all work out. Luckily, I have a few days in which to get loose ends like this tied up.

However, until Nicole calls I have nothing else to do this evening so I am going to keep reading the novel I borrowed. Gee, with this packed schedule I am lucky I can fit everything in! Blech.

"Just because you've become a young woman now...

2007-05-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

...you better shop around."

So, I am sitting here, watching Charmed, and drinking a glass of wine. If you note the time, it is a hair after 4. Yeah, I am bored...and a bum. So here I am, writing.

Quick update: I am starting my job in Washington DC on June 18 and I fly out the 17. I will be working for the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine, which is sponsored by Congress. I will be acting as an Operations Manager for 3 10-day conferences and I get 5 days off in between each conference.

This translates into: Clothes! Lots and lots of clothes. I need to dress up 6 days out of each 10, and for those of you who haven't been to DC in the summer, it is hot. Thus, I have been buying clothes. Lots of 'em.

These are the clothes I have bought within the past 3 weeks. 2 pairs of pants, 1 skirt, 2 jackets, 1 dress, and 4 shirts. I also bought a 5 piece set of luggage to get me from point A to point B. Ugh. All that on top of my plane ticket is leaving my wallet emptier than I'd like it to be.

But it'll be worth it!

Back to my wine....

"Everytime I'm holdin' you is like backwards rain...

2007-04-24T21:14:00.000-07:00

...your love's like fallin' upside down."

Today was full of ups and downs. Let me recap:

Down: Class this morning was incredibly boring. Qualitative research is not fun, don't be fooled.
Up: For the first time all semester, I didn't have to fight sleep during class due to my Southern Pecan Cream coffee. Additional up: I got quite a bit done on the short story I have been writing in class in an effort to stay awake.

Down: I couldn't get in to get my bumper and headlight fixed today.
Up: Tomorrow morning the B-Lazer is heading in to get fixed.

Up: I opened a non-profit bank account for the Miss Riverbend/Dakota Garden pageant.
Down: It took one and a half hours.

Down: My phone died in a conversation with Claussen.
Up: Before talking to Claus, I talked to my mommy and got 15 minutes in with Claus before the phone died.

Down: Again, my phone died and I lost my wall charger and Claussen has my car adapter.
Up: They sell phone chargers at WalMart; and the one I got has a rocking retractable cord.

Down: I have a complete research proposal due next Tuesday.
Up: I picked a topic to research and found sources on it. Topic selected: sex in college students. That's right, I will be reading, writing, and learning about sex for the next week.

Up: Found out for certain that Claus is staying with me this weekend.
Down: I guess I have to clean a bit now.

Up: I made chocolate chip cookies for the girls I tutor for tomorrow.
Down: Somehow I screwed the cookies up a little bit and they are deformed.
Up: Hell, I still have a ton of chocolate chip cookies!

That is my day in a nutshell. Overall, I think I came out ahead.

"If I had a hammer...

2007-04-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

...I'd hammer in the morning."

As I sit here, avoiding getting ready for my date that I leave for in half an hour, watching the Twins, and eating chips, I decided it would be good to update on my newest news.

I have a summer job!! Pending the passing of my background check, I will be an Operations Manager for the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine in Washington DC. Basically, I will be using my programming and logistics training to help get 3 sets of 400 students from point A to point B this summer. I will get to stay in a hotel for a month and a half and get paid a considerable chunk of change. There are also plans in the works for me to work for SDSU's Nursing program for the first part of the Orientation program since I will be here, jobless and bored.

This job falls perfectly between my summer plans. I have a wedding on June 2 and August 18, County Fair the first week of August, the Miss SD pageant at the beginning of June, and another pageant in Northeast SD at the beginning of August. My training in DC starts July 18 and I will work through July 31. PERFECT!!!

So yeah, I am pretty excited and wanted to let the world know! Or at least those of you who read this. Now I am going to go get pretty.

"She's Miss America...

2007-03-26T15:48:00.000-07:00

...and I'm just the girl next door."

I think I am making bad decisions with my life. No, nothing that could involve jail time, a loss of morals, or anything that exciting.

These bad decisions come in the form of my appearance. I have taken to wearing high heels (note the "high" part) at least 3 times per week. This could potentially wreak havoc on my feet, but they are cute and I like looking nice. I have also started hot rolling my hair every morning. This is time consuming, but I currently have time to take to get ready in the morning, so I am embracing it.

I am trying to figure out the reason for the change. I have a feeling I have nailed it down, but am waiting to see how long it goes for before placing blame on a single person in my (extended) life.

The question I pose: Is there something wrong with my new high maintenance look (that is not high maintenance as it is quite easy)? Should I go back to flip-flops, jeans, and ponytails? Thoughts....?

"What's goin' on...

2007-03-25T09:20:00.000-07:00

...what's goin' on?"

Ugh. Here I am, with some time on my hands. It is a strange feeling, as I haven't had time to do much of anything as of late, much less just sit. This week was a whirlwind of activities, but now I am done with that. What happened you ask? Let me tell you.

I had the Finale of "Project Runway: SDSU." There was a huge article about it in the school newspaper and it was nominated for a national award. This is pretty neat to me, but I am so relieved it is over. I put in well over 100 hours of work for this event, and I am really excited that it all paid off and that I get to have a life again.

We had UPC Spring Formal on Friday. I bought a brand new dress for it. It was a little "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion" but only amazing. It was coral, cut up to above the knees in front and really long in the back, with a back that laced up. I was told by my 2 favorite gay guys that it was the best dress at the formal and I was "commanding" in it. I think that was good. Note to ya'll: never think that "Candyland" is a good theme for a formal. COME ON! Once you are over the age of, say, 10, children's games are not cool anymore. Puke.

Yesterday was Pub Crawl. I crawled. Only college kids can justify being fwasted by 2. The green beer count on my pub crawl shirt says I drank 13 beers. I started at noon and left downtown at 11. My friend Sarah and I took turns buying pitchers ($5.50 a piece--Rock!), and I got us 6 free drinks because I guess I am a flirt...who knew!? (don't answer that.) The only downfall was the drama that ensued due to the alcohol intake. Dang it. But it was fun regardless and I have to say that it was one of the better Pub Crawls I've done.

Today Nick called and woke me up at 8. He had a flight leaving this morning and he wanted his iPod (I have had custody of it since our extended roadtrip last weekend). However, instead of dropping by to pick it up, he asked if I would ride to Sioux Falls with him and drive his car back. Luckily, I was over my hangover already by that point in time, so I agreed. Now, for the rest of the week I have control of his car and permission to drive it as needed. I am pretty excited for this.

So, that is my life as of late. I am watching the "Grease: You're the One That I Want" Marathon and contemplating being productive. But who does that!? Not this kid. Naw naw. I am going to sit. Who wants to join me?

"He writes science fiction novels...

2007-03-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

...everyone said he was a slacker."

Just to appease Rachel, I am writing something. I am currently sick and bought 4 different types of medicine yesterday as well as 2 boxes of tissues (yup, tissues, because they were technically Puffs Plus, not Kleenex). Yesterday I was awake for all of 4 hours and today I just stayed in and did nothing. I lie--I emptied my dish washer, but other than that: nada.

I have been taking full advantage of the blizzard that ripped through the area as of late. School was cancelled from Wednesday at 5 through Friday and, in true college-student fashion, everyone could make it to the bars and liquor store, but not to class. I knew that I was sick, but thought I could brave the elements and smokey bars to be with my friends. Not a good choice (though it was a lot of fun...). But now I have the rest of Spring Break to recoup; I might go to Vegas, might go home, might do something else. Who knows?

But now I am going to have some yogurt, continue watching America's Next Top Model, look at internships, and nurse myself back to health.

*exit slacker status*

"It's just a little crush...

2007-01-31T20:12:00.000-08:00

...not like I faint every time we touch."

I have been feeling like a middle-schooler lately. Why, you ask? Well, college graduates (albeit recent graduates) do not develop crushes. However, I have. I have a ridiculous "do you think he likes me? I think he's kinda cute" crush on a guy.

Do I think anything will come of it? I haven't a clue. I spent about half an hour talking to him yesterday which was the first real conversation we had ever had (he said "Hi" to me at a Christmas party), yet I have had a crush on him for about 2.5 months.

This is silly. I don't develop school-girl crushes that I can see being fruitless. Yet I have one. But, I guess it gives me something else to think about....

And he's cute and a poli-sci major (drool). *insert girlish-giggling*

"I've been hanging around...

2007-01-27T17:51:00.000-08:00

...this town on the corner."

I feel like being a loser tonight. I don't want to go out, though I have had a couple of offers and phone calls. I just feel like hanging out alone, so here I am, watching Freedomland, drinking chai, contemplating supper, and researching the next school I'll be interviewing with.

I am getting better at phone interviews, but I don't think the butterflies are going to go away despite how many of these I do. I have another one next Wednesday and it is with a school I am really excited to go to. Georgia Southern is right up my alley and the responsibilites and job expectations are what I want out of my internship. Plus, it would pay $800 more than the other 2 interviews I have had and will fly me to Miami in March for a weekend. I wouldn't mind working in one of the New York schools, but Georgia really excites me. I just hope I excite them back! But, I was the first person they called to set up an interview time. I like this fact and it makes me feel more confident before I sit on my futon and chat with the higher-ups next week. Long story short: I want this job. A lot. And I'm going to get it.

Side note: Miss South Dakota, Callee Bauman, has been rocking it in Vegas and is a Miss Congeniality finalist. Regardless of any negative feelings I have ever felt or expressed about Callee, she would make a great Miss America. And I'll be watching her on Monday night with a heap-ton of her supporters (some of her biggest ones in fact) and wish her the best. And so should all of you!

"A new world whispers in the shadows...

2007-01-17T19:42:00.000-08:00

time to fly, time to fly."

I had a job interview today. They called me yesterday and set up a time for today. It was a phone interview because I guess the State University of New York (SUNY), Potsdam didn't want to fly me out there. I had never done a phone interview, but I feel like it went well and look forward to hearing back from them. I have another phone interview next Monday at another New York university (College of Mt. St. Vincent) that I am looking forward to and preparing for.

I am excited that this is finally starting. I realize how much I want a job not in the Midwest, working with Orientation programs. It is what I love.

So yeah. There's an update. Eventually, after it gets resolved, I might tell the story of why I am mad at school right now, but I am excited about the job stuff right now. And I got a job today for the semester--I am a barista!

And done.

"There's not a star in heaven we can't reach...

2007-01-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

...we're breakin' free!"

This girl's taking a break. I am heading to Vermillion to visit a friend for the weekend. I won't be making any pageant calls that aren't mandatory, I won't worry about school, and I won't fret about internship calls. Okay, maybe I lie, but that is the plan as of right now. The end of this week has not been fun. I got sick yesterday and Nick had to come bring me medicine, threaten to take away my computer, and order me to take a bath and go to bed. My apartment is freezing, so hopefully balmy southern Vermillion will offer me higher temps.

So yeah. And hopefully my GPS system gets here before I leave so I don't get lost on the way to Verm-town. It'll be fun.

PS: Who knows where the title came from? My current, completely guilty pleasure!

"Your talents are tested...

2007-01-09T14:50:00.000-08:00

...and I believe the snow queen lives somewhere in the hills."

I needed a break. I have been planning a preliminary Miss South Dakota pageant in my hometown next month, and I never could have dreamed the amount of work it takes. Really, it is just making phone calls, but I have been on the phone pretty much constantly for the past 5 business days. I have been calling monetary donors, food donors, prize donors, jewelers for my crowns, bridal shops for dresses, girls to compete, and a slew of other people who are important in the pageantry-world. These calls have taken over my life, but I finally got my titles named (Miss Riverbend and Miss Dakota Garden) and am on the Miss South Dakota website finally. I haven't had a free moment to myself!

Except for today. Today I took my break. It snowed last night. Nick called me from work to tell me it was snowing. I was at a friend's apartment, so of course, we went out and played in the snow.

It was great. Today we went ice skating (and I am really sore) and then went out and made snow angels. Now I am back on the phone (okay, so I am on Nick's Bluetooth wireless set, but still...) but an handling it just fine.

If you aren't doing anything on February 10th....come to a pageant!

"The back of your eyes look like my mother's...

2007-01-02T21:59:00.000-08:00

...where we gonna go from here?"

So, I haven't written in here for a long time. Seems to be a pattern. Lots of things have happened since my last post--the biggest was graduating from college and working on getting accepted into grad. school. That, and the fact that the last two numbers I write in the "date" line on my checks has changed. Here is a recap of 2006.

In 2006 I...

*got a college degree*taught over 100 young people*made a difference in the lives of a lot of those students, big and small*picked up a hitch-hiker*began living on my own*realized how much I love roommates*made a four-course meal with different wines for each course*bought a digital camera that I love*took lots of pictures with said camera*wrote a 20 page research paper on mother-daughter relationships in Afro-American literature*judged an award-winning team*realized how much I need some people in my life*got a new betta*got 3 new cousins*went to a ton of weddings*quit my job*got an iPod*made some really bad choices*got over the repercussions of these choices*sat in a coffee shop for 6 hours just talking to a great friend*saw RENT*went on a date without knowing it*judged a beauty pageant*judged a goat show*judged public presentations*judged photography*got into ridiculous fights*realized how ridiculous these fights were*found out how important texting is*had a school-girl crush*had an "evil" Secret Santa*fell in love with 'Grey's Anatomy' and 'Nip/Tuck'*decided to apply for a job across the country*

..........and realized how much so many people care about me and how much I care for them. So here I am, thanking those people in my life for being there. You are all amazing and I need you more than you know. I am self-reliant and self-sufficient, but without your individual presences, I would not be who I am today. Thank you.

2006 was by far not a great year. In fact, there were many parts of it that downright sucked. So where are we going? Up.

"Put it off...

2006-12-02T13:32:00.000-08:00

...until tomorrow. Wo-wo."

I think television currently hates me and, since I have no willpower, I am giving in. I have a list <-----this-----> long of things to accomplish this weekend, but I am getting sucked into Starz. I just got done watching (and crying about) "The Pacifier". Theresa and Suzy were right--it is a good movie. While I was listening to the credits music for "The Pacifier," I searched to see what else was on, and noticed that "When a Stranger Calls" just came on. And I am watching it. Luckily, I have a lot of coloring to do before Monday, so I can do that while I watch, but the rest of the things I need to do require my attention, which is currently being taken away by these movies.

Oh well, I got my graduation cords yesterday, so at least I will look like I care about my studies next week even if I don't get great grades on the rest of everything this semester!!

"Good is good and...

2006-11-26T09:20:00.000-08:00

...bad is bad."

Good: Thanksgiving
Bad: Mom having the stomach flu on Thanksgiving
Good: Knowing that I can singlehandedly prepare a full Thanksgiving meal without my mom
Bad: Having to singlehandedly prepare a full Thanksgiving meal without my mom
Good: Hanging out with my little cousins
Bad: Having a sore arm from holding heavy babies all day
Good: Knowing that I graduate from college in less than 2 weeks
Bad: Knowing that I will have a broken toe when I go through the ceremony

**Disclaimer** Gross picture to follow...if feet gross you out scroll down farther.

It is the 4th toe--in case you can't tell.

Yup, that's right. I broke my toe this weekend (at least I assume it is broken but I am not going to the doctor to have them tell me "Hey, it's broken...there's nothing we can do about that."). I stubbed my toe on a bed. This is ironic because stubbing my toes has always freaked me out and I have always been afraid of hurting my toes. I have combined both of them now...ugh. It hurts to wear tennis shoes so I don't know how I am going to wear "teacher shoes."

Speaking of teacher shoes--to those of you who are reading this: you rock. I was (obviously) having a string of bad days. It is great to know that you are all behind me and supportive of me. It is great to know that I have a support system when things go awry. BUT things are much better now and I get to start dropping of some of my class load at the end of this week and that will make my life <---this---> much better. And besides, I AM GRADUATING! It finally hit me this weekend and, even though I am going directly to grad school, I am still getting a degree. AND I got into grad school--they are waiving the interview process for me because I had a couple people put in good words for me. They are making a special exception for me--this rocks!

Wow...I wasn't as excited about all these things until writing this. I am pumped. Now I can start the cleaning process for the party...and ya'll should come. As soon as T and I start planning it. Hopefully I can walk and not hobble by that point.

"Hold my hand...

2006-11-08T21:49:00.000-08:00

'cause I wanna [do] the best that, the best that I can."

First parent-teacher conferences tomorrow. This has seriously been the week from hell. From a student crying 2 days in a row in class, to my car dying on one of the busiest streets in town, to me near tears at school in a meeting, to being told that if I keep being the way I am naturally I will never be a teacher, to dealing with agents on a daily basis, to forgetting that I have a huge event next week, to flipping out on one of my best friends after he had done something REALLY nice without me knowing he'd done it, to putting on a crap-tacular event...whew, I'll quit...it has been a long week. That and I have a 75+ page project due next Tuesday that I was supposed to have time to get done while teching 125+ kids each day. Riiiiiight. I'll get right on that.

I have not cried this much in a very long time. Luckily I have people to keep me grounded and who can keep me going even when there is nothing I want to do more than curl up and cry while easing the pain with an alcoholic beverage or 5.

I am beyond stressed and have gone over the "stressed precipice." You know how when you are past the point of tired and can do nothing but be hyper? I have reached that stress-wise and have just given up on everything and have resigned myself to failure in all facets of life. I know I will get chewed out by crabby parents tomorrow, I know that my friends are disappointed in me, I know that my supervisors expect more of me, I know my family wants to hear from me, I know my students deserve more of me. But I can't. I just don't know anymore.

Time for bed.
*This has not been a pity-party...I just needed to get this out somewhere and I didn't have the energy to remove the computer from my lap, remove myself from the futon, find my journal, and write 'til my hand hurt. This sufficed (was sufficient? what-ev).

"It's alright, I'll be fine...

2006-10-31T21:32:00.000-08:00

...just leave the pieces when you go."

Since it is Halloween and I am still a little awake, I decided "Hey, why not write in my blog!?" Theresa did a decent job of capturing the spirit of Hobo Day (though I spent very little time with those guys due to UPC and the fact that I don't get much sleep so I slept through the game). But here is a brief look at what I am doing with my time.

-I am teaching 4 classes a day now. I have 8th, 9th, 10th, and 12th and will add 11th next week.
--8th is doing grammar; they start pronouns on Thurs.
--9th is just finishing up Poe and we are starting "The Most Dangerous Game"
--10th is working on "Night" by Elie Wiesel
--12th is still doing Macbeth
It is tiring and there are a lot of behind-the-scenes things that go on that most people don't know about that I am still getting used to. Being held accountable to these students and their parents is a change for me--no longer can I just put things off because I don't want to do them and reap the repercussions later on. I guess that is part of growing up.

My car may or may not be possessed by spirits. Either that or I have an electrical problem. After calling Kris last night I thought it was my battery or alternator beginning to go out and the warning light was just a warning. This morning after none of my gauges worked I began to think it was a fuse. This afternoon after the radio and headlights went out and the dashboard indicators flashed on and off sporatically I determined it was possessed. After calling Kris again, he told me to go get it checked immediately. Dang it. He didn't get the memo to tell me it would be alright even if it wouldn't be alright.

Random pieces...
...I am planning a beauty pageant. One of the regionals for Miss South Dakota to be held in Feb. This is a lot of work.
...I am working on a Project Runway program at SDSU which will result in a lot of money getting donated to some worthy organization. This too is a lot of work.
...I am out of food. I had popcorn and a granola bar for supper.

Wow, that is really about it. Teaching has over taken my life. I should go to bed because I have a teacher's meeting at 7:45 and the hour drive each morning is rough. Luckily Nick is calling to make sure I am up and that reassures me a little bit. Good thing I have him around.

"Suddenly I see...

2006-10-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

this is where I'm 'sposed to be" (yeah, I couldn't think of anything else and I have been drinking.)

Here I sit, having returned from the bars, watching "The I Inside" with Ryan Phillipe. I was out at the bars before this, and due to the fact that I drink very rarely, the drinks I had were enough to get me tipsy. So I came home to have my favorite drunk-food. What is it I reach for after a number of drinks? Not pizza. Not chips. Not sweets.

Nope. I go for a grilled cheese sandwich. I can't even count how many times I have made a grilled cheese after leaving the bars. And I love it. Really makes me happy. Despite the high heat aspect of making them.

So yeah. There you go. Next time you return home after a night of drinks, try a grilled cheese--it'll make you happy!

"I find it quite interesting...

2006-10-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

...a noun's a person, place, or thing."

Wow, I haven't written in this puppy for awhilee, but I think it is justified as my life has gotten busy again.

I have become a teacher. Yup, I am influencing America's youth. Yesterday was my first day fully in charge of one of my classes (8th grade language arts) and it went well considering the large handful of hiccups (including having to completely overhaul my lesson plan within a few seconds of finding out the worksheet I had planned the lesson around was not the one that was run-off to hand out). Today was my second day and it went a lot better...thankfully. I have been working diligently on my lesson plans and this is going quite a bit better now that I have an Internet connection at my desk (though all email sites are blocked, so that is a problem). I am working on two units (Renaissance Poetry and "Macbeth" to be exact) and am trying to get through "Night" (a novel about Jews during WWII [I think] before I actually have to start teaching it. I also have to work on a few short stories, but since they are indeed "short" this should go relatively well.

I am trying to get to know all my students (it is a relatively small school) and even went to the home football game this evening. Granted, it is part of my requirements to graduate from the Teacher Education program, but it was fun. Another student teacher and I went out and bought school sweatshirts and cheered just as loud as anyone else at the game (they lost, but hey...I was there at least!).

I also took a strong interest in the community by touring the highlights the city has to offer--it was one of the childhood homes of author Laura Ingalls Wilder ("Little House on the Prairie" if you didn't know), so I went to see the homestead, watched a short video about her youth, and went to one of the shops that is mentioned in the books that is still in operation today--pretty cool if you ask me. Next week I am going to the cemetary to see where Ma, Pa, Carrie, Grace, and baby Ingalls are buried...I loved those books as a child, so I am way interested in the history behind it.

This seems a little rambly, but it has been a long week...I work a little over 40 hours a week at the school, drive 10 hours a week to and from, plus all the work that I bring home with me, plus the collegiate obligations I still have (coursework and UPC mainly, though UPC is falling to the wayside); waking up at 5:45 isn't fun either, but I am getting used to it. I guess "getting used to it" is just what I have to do...a teacher's work is never done it seems, so I might as well keep up with it.

Yup. That's it. Pretty sure it is just about bedtime...on a Friday night...sad.

"You know it's worthless...

2006-09-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

...worthless as can be."

I just spent the last 9 hours laying with Nick on my futon watching movies. We took a break to make pasta and for him to read a badly written, naughty Cosmo article to me (it is just something that we do...). The past couple nights were a bit hectic, so just lounging around and doing nothing was nothing short of amazing. Now I am thinking of getting some homework done since tomorrow is Gigantic Shopping Day (yay for buying teacher clothes!) and I will have no time to do it tomorrow.

Speaking of shopping: I bought a new digital camera yesterday and am now the proud owner of a Radio Shack card. Woo hoo! I am excited.

"Walk on...

2006-09-10T21:41:00.000-07:00

...don't make a sound."

Dear People Upstairs,

Please cease movement.
Yes, I said please stop moving. Completely. Or at least until you learn to walk quietly. I can understand Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights/early mornings. Loud walking in these instances means you are intoxicated. Good for you. Seeing that I have nothing going on on Saturdays and Sundays (and am occassionally out myself), I will forgive you waking me when I have class on Fridays.

The problem I have is all the other times you walk (or run or jump or whatever type of movement you are doing up there because I don't see how walking could sound like that). It sounds as if you are dropping cinder blocks with each step. You literally shake the building just as much as the trains that pass directly to our south. There is no reason for this. I sincerely hope you are not always under the influence of alcohol when you are walking, but perhaps this is the case. I know for a fact that you are not heavy people; I truly believe I would have noticed the 350+ pound individual who would be inhabiting the apartment spaces above me to cause the rumble that you do.

No, you are not a heavy person--you are just a heavy-walker. The heaviest walker I have ever had the misfortune to meet (nay, hear). I have lived with heavy-walkers in the past and learned to deal with it. However, this is simply outrageous. I do not expect you to be stealthy and move like a cat or to shuffle your feet; I just expect my ceiling to stop vibrating with your every step. Is that so much to ask? I think not.

Thank you for your time and consideration to this matter.
Your neighbor from below

"Welcome to the family...

2006-09-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

...hope you have a real good life".

So, I haven't posted in a loooooong time, but that could be because nothing all too exciting has happened. Not that I have been holed up in my apartment...just nothing earthshattering; I am totally fine with this.

But my mommy called me this weekend. Usually I worry when she calls (not that I have ever really got bad news, but I am just that type of person) but this was a good call. I have a new cousin. He is pretty cute in comparison to the rest of the baby's pictures I saw on the website (but there is one little girl who is pretty cute--maybe they can hook up later on!).

So, this is my official welcome to baby Ty Alan Eikmeier. Alan and Tera (the parents) and Lisa and Leslie (the half-sisters) are pretty excited as is (most of) the rest of the family...Grandma is crabby about it, but she is like that sometimes.

Welcome to the world, little guy! You are going to have an extended family that is crazy about you and we apologize in advance that you look like an Eikmeier. Because you do...like a combination of Great-grandpa Earl and your dad.

"It's a sign..."

2006-08-17T13:11:00.000-07:00

...I don't know where I'm gonna look, but I'm gonna find my purpose."

I had a not-so-great day yesterday. It wasn't bad, but I was not happy by any means. Even the 45 minute massage that Nick gave me did not dent what was making me unhappy. I woke up this morning thinking, "Man, today is probably going to be a simple extension of yesterday and will suck too." Then I walked out my door.

Perfectly centered on the floor right outside my front door was possibly one of the best things I could find.

A penny.

A small, copper circle with a President's face emblazoned on the front. Not worth much, but to me, it was just what I needed. I am not overly supersticious, but this was different. It seriously looked like someone had placed this penny specifically for me outside my door and had bent down to center it; it was not even turned--Abe's face was turned neither to the right nor left but simply looked up at me. It was like someone else knew that I needed a little luck today.

Sure, the penny could have fallen from someone's purse while they fumbled for their keys, could have leapt from a pocket, could have been the casuality of an uncoordinated youngster. But I don't think so. Something else was governing that penny's existence outside my door on a day that I needed it more than most. For that, I am grateful.

"In my neck of the woods I'm just the girl next door...

2006-08-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

...I'm a redneck woman."

As I was driving home from the Pipestone County Fair the other night, I had a realization: me, my family, my friends, and my community are all a little bit trashy. How did I come to this realization? I went to a Truck and Tractor Pull. Not only did I go, but I sat in the pits. And I cheered. I cheered for the local farmers as they showed off their toys and I cheered for the hardcore state pullers who drove numerous hours to get more points to raise themselves in the standings. I enjoyed myself. And the rest of the county (or at least it seemed like it) enjoyed themselves too.

Additionally, I was mad that I had to miss the Enduro Race two nights previous to the Truck and Tractor Pull. I haven't missed the Enduro in 5 years...I love watching the trashy cars go around in circles as parts fall off and engines smoke. This year there was even a full-blown fire and I missed it(the guy in the car was mostly okay, but got taken to the hospital)! I was mad about this. I think this points to the redneck side of me as well.

And the thing is, that this is me. This is not something I can escape. I can go to college, go on to get a Masters and a PhD, but I will still be a Pipestone County farm girl. I will still be a girl who loves getting dirty out in the barn, can throw a haybay into the back of a truck, can drive a pickup and trailer, knows how to administer shots to a heifer, and cheers when a green or red tractor pulls the Ironman 223.3 feet.

I started reading a new book last night, and I reached a passage that really hit home (literally and figuratively). It said, "[Y]ou can't leave home. You can go other places, all right--you can live on the other side of the world, but you can't ever leave home." And I don't want to leave home; I will move away and start a family of my own, but I know I will never want to leave.

"It's been one week..."

2006-07-30T17:49:00.000-07:00

...but I lie; it's been two.

It has been 2 weeks since I last wrote something...yet I have been so busy it seems like "just yesterday."

Since last writing, I have moved into a new apartment. This is quite the new experience, but I am liking it so far. I have just a few boxes left to unpack, then I can hang stuff on my walls. I am so excited for that!! Mom and Dad got me a 27" flat screen TV as a housewarming gift, then got me a new microwave as well as the old one lost its turntable. I love new things! I hung new vertical blinds last week--okay, Nick hung them and I made him breakfast and handed him tools, but I was present! I am so ready for this place to just be "home" and not a mess of boxes and disorder--hopefully tomorrow I will get it whipped into shape.

I have been to two weddings in 2 weeks. The first was a friend from home who also happened to be one of my sorority sisters. She had a phenomenal, beautiful wedding and was a gorgeous bride. It was great to be at home and see old friends and hang out with all my sisters and the guys from the fraternity we are associated with (AGR, Rach). I also made Stumplifters all on my own and am happy to report that they taste the same when made in the comfort of one's own kitchen as they do at Chubb's.

The second wedding was not as beautiful. Maybe it was the 107 degree heat. Maybe it was the lack of AC in the church. Maybe it was the fact that they forgot the marriage license at the Ranch (45 minutes away) and realized it 10 minutes before the wedding was set to start. Maybe it was the prairie fires that popped up mere miles from the Ranch during the reception. Who knows.

It was my cousin's wedding and she has never been much of a planner. I was her personal attendant, but I ended up becoming a jill-of-all-trades. She wanted an inexpensive wedding, so simply bought a bunch of random decorations and said "have at 'em." Mom and I did what we could with the church and reception hall, and it actually turned out to be what I call "simplistically elegant." However, my cousin's mother (my ex-aunt if they make those) had nothing at all to do with the wedding and made the whole thing a headache for everyone else. How hard is it to cut a few checks, cut a few streamers, and sprinkle some glitter? It is your daughter's wedding day! Grr. Never liked that woman. But it all worked out. They are married and truly in love, and that is all that matters.

Speaking of prairie fires: they were amazing. I stood outside the reception hall and watched the storm blowing in across the river. The sky was magnificent and the lightening bolts were like none I had ever seen. Each one hit the ground due to the fact that it hasn't rained up there in over a month and I saw a fire start before my eyes. It grew and grew and then the long-awaited rain began to put it out...really cool. We all went out and danced in the rain because there is nothing that the people in north-western South Dakota need more right now than rain. Thank God they got some.

That is all I will go on about. Hopefully things will settle down again now. No moving, no weddings, just the same ol' same ol'. Here's hoping.

"I'm starting with the [wo]man in the mirror...

2006-07-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

...Take a look at yourself, and then make a change."

I am not who I thought I would grow up to be.

The girl I see in the mirror brushing her teeth is far from the girl I used to be. So much more than the reflection has changed. I wonder what the little girl in the mirrow would think of the one who searches her reflection now.

The little girl was kind, shy, and compassionate. She wouldn't dream of doing anything to hurt anyone. Say anything that could be taken the wrong way. She didn't swear, lie, or fight. She put others above herself and wanted nothing more than to make her daddy proud. She strived so hard to make everyone else happy...and that was enough.

The person today is a far cry from the little, innocent girl with long brown hair. She has done things the little girl would have never dreamed of doing when she grew up. The older one has said things that are hurtful. Has talked behind the backs of others. Has lied to protect herself. Has put herself in positions that would have been near-atrocities in the eyes of the young one. She has hurt her friends and put herself above the others in her life. She has taken people for granted whom the little girl would have gone to the end of the earth and back for.

The little girl knew what she wanted in life. Her plan was set in stone and she knew she would not waiver from it. Her confidence in herself was remarkable and she knew she was fallible, but that she would succeed.

The girl of today has no idea what she wants. Her life's plan has all but flown out the window. She barely knows what she will do in the next week much less the next ten years.

Where did the confidence go? Where did the compassion and innocence disappear to? Would the little girl who once stood on a stool to see in the mirror recognize what her reflection has become? Who she has made herself into?

Would she approve?

"You can wonder, if you wanna, but I never ask why...

2006-07-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

And you can try to hold me down, but I'll spit in your eye and say that you can't stop the beat!"

I am at an impass. I have nothing to write about, but nothing better to do. The book I am reading (The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova) is kind of slow right now, so it is hard to push my way through. I work 'til 5, so I hope to get to a good part by that time. Here are random Eik-deas (like ideas, but mine!).

~My hair is really curly today. Much moreso than usual and I think I like it.
~I love playing tennis in the morning...it really gets me geared up for the rest of the day. Plus, it isn't so blasted hot then. However, I only won one game today, and I got mad at Nick for beating me. Next week it is on!
~There is a puppy staying at my apartment this weekend! I am excited. He is my "nephew" Tyson and I am pretty sure I might spoil him!
~I was the bigger person today by telling Nick that he should go home for the weekend. It would have been nice to have him keep me occupied this weekend when Claus is busy, but home is important too! I didn't want to be the reason he stayed and wasn't happy about it.
~When renting movies, it is important to consider past history one holds with the person whom they are watching the movie with. For example, if you want to watch "Just Friends" consider the fact that there was a time when there was a waivering between 'just friends' and 'something more.' Otherwise, it can make for a slightly awkward situation that requires a conversation afterwards to make sure that everything is okay with the two of you. (For the record, we are fine...no more awkwardness.)
~My cousin is trying to hook me up with people who will be at her wedding. This creeps me out a little bit because her male friends are checking out my senior pictures (5 year old Sr. pictures) and asking if I am single. Bless her heart, for some of them I am single, and for some of them I am taken (at least she is culling the undesirable ones for me!). But the one she is really pushing for graduated from West Point and is apparently quite attractive...this intrigues me.
~I have been drinking a lot of lemon-water lately and found out that it raises your metabolism. Yes! And I wasn't even doing it for that...I just like the taste!
~I broke my Nalgene yesterday. As I figured would eventually happen, I dropped it at the right angle and there is a split that circles the middle of the poor guy now. I am hoping the company will send a new one since they are "indestructible." We'll see!

Okay, that is enough randomness. Back to reading. Have a great, safe weekend. Make good choices and don't forget to miss me!

"How bizarre...

2006-07-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

...It's making me crazy...every time I look around."

I like to think of myself as a logical person. I tend to think issues out before freaking out about them. Especially when it is something that I know to be illogical; even then I am one of the first to point out that I am being illogical.

And here I am, Ms. Illogical.

I know that to most people the incidents of the past couple day would be nothing--simple things that have a logical explanation that I am just not picking up on. Yet, that is the thing: I can't figure out why.

Last night at work I was doing rounds to ensure no one was left in the building. This is routine--I do it every night that I close. I walk up and down the aisles at the library looking down each row to make sure I notice everyone. While doing this last night, I heard a male's voice seemingly from behind me. I turned and found no one there. I kept walking forward, thinking I would catch a glimpse of whoever it was. After re-looking through the floor and not finding anyone, I went back downstairs. It kinda freaked me out, but I chalked it up to janitors that weren't supposed to be there for another 2 hours.

Then, I had judging practice tonight. I was in my bathroom before leaving to throw on some make-up quick, and from what I can remember, everything was normal. But when I came back 4 hours later and went into my bathroom I saw that the shower curtain was pulled back (which we never do) and the toilet lid was up (also something that we never do). No one else (other than Theresa) was at my apartment tonight and Theresa didn't go into the bathroom and move things.

So who did? I have spent the past hour and 45 minutes on the phone with various friends who have convinced me that it is probably nothing. The comedy (Fever Pitch) and alcohol (Woodchucks) have also helped a little.

Still, I don't want to go to bed...maybe I'll lock my bedroom door.

"The clocks tick and the cattle graze...

2006-07-05T14:46:00.000-07:00

...back where I come from."

My few days home were magnificent! It's funny how you don't realize how much you need to go home until you are already there. There was not a thing that I would have changed. Really. Recap:

Went home Monday night after I realized I did not, in fact, have judging practice. Had supper at home, watched some TV, and then took a camera out so I could get use up the film that was in it. I wanted to just take some "around the farm" shots, so that is what I did. I ended up going out to the pasture and playing with the cows and the babies and then Daddy came home so we stood out there and did "cow talk" where he asks my opinion on the herd. I LOVE it when he does this--it shows that he finally appreciates my opinion on some of the things that are the most important to him. Then Jenna called and wanted me to head into town. After some deliberation, I went into Pipestone to meet the girls and we attempted to go to the nice bar. Nice bar was closed, so we went to the American Legion--classy. Sat and talked, heard some of the worst stories ever, and decided to go to Lange's Cafe. Headed home after some mozerella sticks and more conversation.

Tuesday: Helped with chores and such in the barn. Helped Mom in the garden. Watched "National Treasure." Headed into town with the family to find the grocery store closed (ah, small town) so we went to the Indian Mart (real name) and bought s'mores makings and the new Parrot Bay drinks. (I love buying alcohol with Daddy because we like to try new things!) Went to Aunt Linda and Uncle Mark's with the whole family. Didn't get any deviled eggs because we seem to forget that the family keeps growing and 24 deviled eggs is not enough for everyone. Drank previously purchased alcohol, set off some fireworks, watched the Casino show from the hill, headed home.

Wednesday morning: helped with chores again. This time we took some pictures to prove it--I love doing chores!! Shot Grady's .22 shotgun for the first time ever and impressed the heck out of Daddy. I had never shot before (ever) and got a score that would have placed me in the Top 10 for the Minnesota State Shoot. He made me shoot the air pistol after that to see if I really was that good of a shot...I am! Things you learn! Headed over to Grandma's so she could donate to the "Jessica moving into a new apartment" cause. Came back to Brookings.

All in all, it was a great couple of days. I got to spend time with the family, do cattle chores (which I miss SO much and love doing), and hang out with "little brother." Who could ask for anything more!?

------------------------------------------------------------

Quotes from the weekend:

Dad: "You know, if we had a radio, I could listen to the Twins out by the fire."
Gee, Dad. There is a radio in the barn that carries all the way to the house....He decided to drive the truck up into the yard instead.

Jenna: "I haven't told you the worst part yet."
Me: "What? That he is divorced twice and has a kid on the way?"
Jenna: "No. Worse!"
Jennie: "What, he's balding?"
Jenna: "Closer, but still worse!"
If only everyone's "worse parts" were as awful as Jenna's...the world would be a great place.

Jenna: "You think they'd mind if I drove drunk? I mean, not drunk drunk. Like, not .08 drunk, but drunk. You know what I mean? Drunkish?"
Probably, Jenn, probably.

Jennie: "Yeah, over there in that yonder part of the state they don't make radar detectors."
Jenna: "Really? How do they get people?"
Jess: "Oh, they guess."
Jenna: "Is that legal?"
Jennie: "Sure!"
Jess: "Yeah, Jennie's brother's a cop--she'd know!"
Jenna: "Oh..."
At least there is one person in my life who makes me look smart...and I thank Jenna for being that person!

"You're happy to be...

2006-07-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

...with me on the 4th of July."

I love my family.

Yup, this is a fairly trite statement that can be made by a large majority of the population. Still, sometimes I have to remind myself of this fact.

To do so, I am heading to the farm for the 4th of July. This was not the original plan. Rather, I was going to run home to have a judging team practice for the 4-Hers I coach in Pipestone Co. and then head back to B-town tonight and drink and tan all day tomorrow. Then the snowball began rolling.

First, I received an email from my aunt regarding the family celebration everyone is planning. This got me wishing I could go, but I knew it would be illogical for me to go home for fireworks and then drive back for work the next day. But then as fate would have it, I got my shifts switched at work so I don't have to be in until the late afternoon on Wednesday. Score! Now the trip seems worthwhile.

Still, I know that my family will undoubtedly do something to test my love for them. My aunt and uncle will have a fight. Or a cousin will fart in my face (it has happened once, it will again). Or little brother will make a snide remark. Or grandma will make a comment about the almost illegitimate child my new aunt is bearing. Or grandpa will once again ask me is I will give the eulogy at his funeral.

Yes, this is my family. All the idiosyncrasies combined with alcohol and explosives should make for a good time. And I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Happy 4th!!

"Like every inch of me is bruised....

2006-07-02T12:43:00.000-07:00

I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this."

I hurt.

The sad thing is that a) it was pretty much self-inflicted and b) this is day 3 of the hurt.

Here's the story: I was helping a friend move out of the residence hall she stayed in while we all worked on campus for the month of June. A few days before she had been escaping from the lovely police officers who were mad at her for drinking underage and had severly sprained her ankle by falling into a hole. Since I knew she couldn't cart her belongings down 4 flights of stairs, I offered my assistance. All was going well, and we had made 5 previous trips down the stairs to her car and we were on the last load: a large Tupperware container that took both of us to carry. Being the nice person I am, I allowed her to lead and I brought up the rear. All was going well until the final 5 steps when she got a bit too far ahead of me, my flip-flop slipped and I bounced down the remaining steps. Enter the pain. I fell soundly on my right buttock. So soundly in fact that there is a bruise the size of which I have never seen. Seriously, the thing is about the size of a salad plate and the color of a very ripe eggplant. Luckily, the swelling it caused has finally gone down. I have learned to sit only on my left side, but it is getting frustrating. I have been reduced to only wearing sweats as anything else just hurts too much. All in all, this was an awful experience, and I hope everyone learns an important lesson from this: no flip-flops while moving. Yup, I blame it on shoddy footwear.

This escapade did not only mar my Fourth of July plans (not that I had many, but now I have even fewer) but it also made my rummage-saling more difficult this weekend. First of all, it is hard to get in and out of cars. Secondly, it hurts to walk at times as the muscles beneath the bruise move when I walk. Third, I bought a recliner. I am happy about this, but I could not fully test how comfortable it is when it hurts to sit. Well, I have it anyway, so now I will have more seating when people come visit!

---------------------------------

And now for something completely different: I am back to working at the library. Today is my first day back in a little over a month. Whereas I appreciate the limited responsibilities and ease of my job, I am going to miss the daily action, crisis, and excitement of Orientation. Sigh.

---------------------------------

Something else: Beware the names you choose as your MSN display names. I was questioned the other night as to whether or not I was pregnant. The answer is no, but I guess the words "Jess: Education Now and Babies Later" lead others to think otherwise. Just sayin'.

"Who can say I have been changed for the better?"

2006-06-26T22:47:00.000-07:00

"I have been changed for good."

So other than the sheer fun that was this weekend, I saw two things that have completely changed my life.

The first: Imagine this as an ENTIRE car! Yeah. A troll car. Right outside the Mall of America. Don't think I didn't take pictures on my camera phone...'cause I did!

The second: A billboard proclaiming "Education Now, Babies Later." After some research, I found that this is a huge campaign across Minnesota. But really, all it made me do was laugh. And take a picture, once again, with my phone.

These two sitings made the 6.5 hours I spent in a car today worthwhile. Additionally, I feel more complete having seen a car covered (completely) with troll-wallpapery-crap and proof of the ENABL campaign. Yes.

"For...

2006-06-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

...once in my life"

Plans for the weekend:

Saturday...
~Work from 8:45 to 5ish (for money)
~Drive from Brookings to Sherburn (for getting from Point A to Point B)
~Drink to celebrate a quasi-graduation party (for fun)
~Camp (for rest)

Sunday...
~Drive to Pine Island (for again, Point A-->B)
~Play with a puppy (for a non-fish pet-play session)
~Take advantage of Chipotle (for nourishment)

Monday...
~Take advantage of Caribou (for caffeine)
~Drive to Minneapolis ([for] see Saturday part 2 and Sunday part 1)
~Shop at IKEA (for end tables, coffee table, other fun things)
~Drive back to Brookings (for the sheer fun of it)

Man, I love weekends that are pretty much planned yet are filled with nothingness!! FOR sure.

"Burning glances, turning heads...

2006-06-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

...Masquerade! Stop and stareat the sea of smiles around you!"

I have become a person I don't like.

A head-flipper.

That is right. I have been flipping my hair for the last half-hour. I feel so ditzy; I honestly may be losing brain cells with each shift from left to right! How did I let this happen!?

I got 4-5 inches of hair taken off my head. Yup, a simple haircut has changed (at least temporarily) my persona. 4-5 inches is a decent change, and I am really excited for it. I was getting sick of long hair and decided today was the day. It still hangs below my shoulders, so it is by no means short...just shorter.

And I love the feeling of my hair moving when I move my head; less weight = more movement! Additionally, I have to work at a gala event tomorrow, so the new haircut will fit right in!

No I am going to go turn a few heads...mostly my own!

"And the sun's coming up...

2006-06-11T04:04:00.000-07:00

...in the morning."

It is bright in my apartment. This would be because it is 6:10am. I just got home from a party. On most Sundays this would not be a problem...but I have to work today.

Blech.

"I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out...

2006-06-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

"What hurts the most was being so close, and having so much to say, and watching you walk away."

What makes people grow apart?

How do some people wake up in the morning and decide, "Hey, I don't want to have anything to do with such-and-such anymore"?

And how is such-and-such supposed to deal with this?

I am such-and-such. I am coming to terms that one of my best friends woke up and decided that I wasn't worth his time anymore. I am coming to terms with the fact that 2 of my other "friends" have had the ability to talk behind my back to get him to dislike me as much as they apparently do. I am coming to terms with the fact that I can't talk to him every night, share things that make me happy with him, and rely on him when I have a problem. And now I don't know who to share these things with.

I have been really out of it lately. Really out of it. I have only been awake for about 3 hours today. I just don't want to deal with all the crap that is going on, so sleeping allows me to avoid it. I thought I had been doing a decent job of hiding my feelings, but people are noticing...I guess when the bubbly, perky one changes their nature, people can't help but take note. Now I feel like I am letting people down because I am supposed to be the strong one that people come to with their problems.

All because a couple of popularity-seeking, elementary-minded girls are incapable of holding a friendship for more than 6 months, so they moved in and took one of my best friends away from me. Now I sound like an elementary-schooler, but that is the best way to put the situation. It is ridiculous, yet inescapable. This blows.

"I've lived in this place, and I know all the faces..."

2006-06-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

...Im moving on."

I signed a lease today. This is really exciting for me, but bittersweet at the same time.

I have lived in the same place for 2 years and, besides rearranging my stuff 4 times within my room, nothing has changed. I have lived with the same 3 people for the past 22 months, 1 of them for the entire year previous to moving into this apartment and another for 3 months previous. It hasn't been a cake-walk by any means...in fact it has been downright hard a lot of the time. But we made it through.

I have learned a lot about myself in finding this apartment. I am not a gambler--I do not take risks. However, the method to get this apartment was a huge risk; most of the 1-bedroom apartments in town are taken by this time. I had no guarantee that I could get into this building, but I had to wait until June to find out if I could so I sat and watched other people get apartments, biding my time because I knew where I wanted to live. But this gamble worked--my new apartment is fantastic. And I get a deck!

Now I officially have a 1 bedroom apartment all to myself. I have never lived alone. I love people; I thrive on people interaction. I get lonely after being alone for a weekend. Now I will constantly be alone unless I make a concerted effort to spend time with others. I won't have a built-in social life. Privacy is a good thing, yes; being a loner is quite another. Still, I am ready for a change.

Bring on the moving boxes!

"I want my life to be something more than long...

2006-06-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

...got to find my corner of the sky."

What I accomplished today:

~Drove to Sioux Falls to have my stitches removed.
~Stopped at Caribou.
~Absentee voted since I can't make it to the precinct tomorrow.
~Fielded 3 calls as to why I was late to work, including one from my boss whom I had reminded on Friday as to my tardiness for work this morning.
~Got to work late, but made up an hour's worth of work in 5 minutes.

~In my 20 minute lunch break:
~lost apartment keys
~found apartment keys
~found place to live for next year!!!!!!!!!
~paid credit card bills
~made food
~picked up a package from Post Office and bought new stamps

~Returned to work.
~Finished out work day.
~Re-potted little plants.
~Laughed uproariously at the comment: "My poop is more interesting, and a lot less expensive" regarding the Fun Fact on Deal or No Deal.

Five Ike-points for the person who can identify the musical associated with the title and blue text without looking it up...2 points if you look it up.

"I'm seeing my father in me"

2006-06-03T20:49:00.000-07:00

...or at least my grandmother....

I am my grandmother's granddaughter; but generally only one at a time.

I went rummage saling today. I was on the search for a recliner and the first weekend in June is the big Rummage Sale extravaganza in these here parts. At the 3rd sale I found a recliner for $30...not bad by any means. However, I wanted to see what else was available, so Kimmy and I hit up some more sales--she got a solid oak table for $5 plus the guy delivered it to her house after we realized it didn't fit in the B-Lazer. After a few more stops (plus a stop at my boss's boss's place who was having a joint sale with my boss's boss's boss [yeah, it is not as confusing as it looks]) we went back to get my recliner.

Or not. It was gone. G-O-N-E. This made me sad, but my non-aggressive nature had caused me to lose out on a recliner, but it also helped me to realize that there are "more fish in the sea." Meh.

However, this whole ordeal got me thinking about my grandmothers. My paternal grandmother has an inordinant amount of sheer "stuff." She is a die-hard rummage saler and would have never left without that recliner in the first place (along with 3 boxes of other things I am sure). She would be highly disappointed in my wishy-washiness about buying the chair in the first place and would have just bought it without looking at other options. My maternal grandmother is the complete opposite...she loathes rummage sales and putting on the estate sale when her father died was a horrendous undertaking for the whole family. She, after hearing my tale, would most likely send me the money to buy a completely new chair and throw in a little for a coffee table and end tables. The differences between these women astonish me, and I love the fact that I have qualities of both of them within my personality. I also love the fact that a few hours of rummage saling can cause me to draw these parallels and distinctions.

"Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun...

2006-06-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

...please shine down on me!"

First sunburn of the season! For future reference, an entire day spent outside (okay, so 11 hours) tends to lead a girl to match her pink tee-shirt. If I were wearing a red tee-shirt that would probably match too. Ow.

However, playing sand volleyball, disk golf, and random other fun along with a AA baseball game was totally worth the pain I will feel for the next few days. Plus, I totally got to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" on top of the home dugout and went out on the field to lead the "YMCA." Yeah, totally worth it.

Now I am off to find aloe.

"Love's a woman's job...

2006-05-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

...and I've got work to do."

I started my *fun* summer job today! I got paid to pretty much mess around all day, and I love it. We learned about tutoring services, scholarships, took a tour of the University Student Union, and took a quiz over some pictures. It was cake! I didn't even have to clock out for lunch...totally got paid for that too.

Tomorrow looks like a packed day of learning to give tours and then working on some personal projects we have each decided to take on. I think I can handle it.

So, I might not get paid a lot, but I love my job. I don't dread going every day. I love the people I work with, even if they have quirky idiosyncrasies. I wouldn't keep coming back to this job if I didn't love it...it's not the pay that keeps me here. We are told almost daily by influential people that what we do matters. Yeah, it might give us a big head, but it is nice to know that I put forth the effort to learn all of this stuff that most people would think is meaningless, and that effort makes a difference. I get to see the appreciation of a University, of parents, of staff, and most of all students. Yeah, I can handle that too.

And on a completely different note:
--the seeds I planted really took off over the weekend. I need to weed them out, and Ma and Pa said they'd take seedlings if I kept them going. I am pretty proud!
--I got my phone charger back today so I don't have to charge my phone in the car all the time anymore!
--my fish's water needs to be cleaned, but I think he'll make it a few days longer.
--I am just generally happy. Can't go wrong with a happy day!

"Not that you probably care...

2006-05-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

...much about my underwear."

Have you ever had a day when you put your underwear on inside out? Have you ever wondered how your day could have gone differently if your underwear had been facing the way they should have been? Have you ever wondered if your day would be different depending on what underwear you were wearing or if you weren't wearing any at all?

I just had one of those days.

"She likes big words...

2006-05-25T13:57:00.000-07:00

...though we'll never comprehend."

I wonder how smart Americans are. I am not being facetious or making a reference to anyone/thing in particular. I am just curious.

I went to Starbucks today. This in and of itself did not prompt my question, nor did the vanilla latte that filled my grande cup. Rather, it was the writing on the thermo-sleeve. Nope, not the "Caution, contents may be hot" warning (though that brings up an interesting concept as well) but the word "succedaneum."

Succedaneum is a noun meaning "a succesor, one that follows." However, that is not explained on the cup. Rather, the options for meaning are: 1) changing the world one word at a time, 2) to spell it like it is, or 3) an inspirational film in theatres everywhere April 28.

The final option is a reference to "Akeelah and the Bee" which is where Starbucks got the idea for this promotion. Great, way to be catchy. But these 3 choices are the same ones that appear on every sleeve regardless of the word. But none of these options tells me what succedaneum means. The cup procliams that it was the winning word from the 2001 National Spelling Bee, but what good does that do me!? I want to know when I get my latte what the word means.

How many Americans have gotten a hot beverage in a Starbucks cup, looked at the various words written on the sleeve, and actually thought they meant "to spell it like it is?" How many people actually care enough to look up these words? How many people will use these words incorrectly because they realize that only .02% of the population is actually going to know what the heck they are talking about?

Maybe this is simply a linguist's rant, but I think it goes deeper than that. I would have respected Starbucks for actually making this a learning experience by giving the definitions of the words they use. Rather, they made it a marketing scheme that simply contributes to the using of big words by people who shouldn't use big words in the first place.

I feel I have fully elucubrated this topic. Go look that one up.

"I'm grateful for every scar...

2006-05-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

...but there were lessons learned."

Given that it hurts me to type right now, I doubt this will be a) very long or b) very exciting.

I had a small surgical procedure done yesterday and I am now paying for it. The upside was that I was not expecting it, so I didn't have that much time to worry about it. Because I am a huge worrier and any medical procedure freaks me out. I only had 15-20 minutes to think about it before they started, and I had a People magazine to peruse to keep my mind off of it. However, now I am really sore. It probably didn't help that since I was completely numb, I went with some friends to go play tennis. I didn't really play, but I swung the racquet a couple times. I have now learned. And I'm tired, because I couldn't find a way to sleep last night that didn't pull my stitches funny or cause me some sort of pain and discomfort. Hopefully this will go away soon. But now I can say that I have had stitches...it took 22 years, but now I have 9 in a fun little line.

And now for something completely different: I have found a new addiction. Fruit smoothies. But is it an addiction if it is good for you? In my mind half a banana, some pineapple chunks, a couple strawberries, low-fat yogurt, a splash of milk, and a little cinnamon is good for me and should be seen as a positive addiction. And they are delightful. I love summer.

Last point: I am excited for American Idol tonight. I have to work until 8, but I will get to see the end which is what is important. I enjoyed last night's performances and could go either way, hence why I didn't vote last night. I went into the evening favoring Kat, but Taylor knocked my socks off...well, my flip flop anyway. We'll see what happens, but I think it will be close.

No more typing for this girl. Yet another lesson learned.

"Jessica...

2006-05-22T09:22:00.000-07:00

...you're a lady."

Signs Jess is too bored at work: she starts copying things from eveyone else's blogs.

I AM: doing my best, but I make no promises.
I WANT: my friends and family to know how much I truly care about them.
I WISH: I knew what I wanted out of life.
I HATE: ceiling fans, self doubt, Jell-O, failure (not necessarily in that order).
I MISS: my Mom's home-cooked meals.
I FEAR: not living up to other's expectations for me.
I HEAR: the lights buzzing, but I have "Hips Don't Lie" stuck in my head.
I WONDER: when I will go for my lunch break.
I REGRET: way more than I should.
I AM NOT: ambidextrous, athletic, gorgeous, or rich though there are days I wish I was.
I DANCE: quite frequently...usually in my room and while doing household chores.
I SING: in the B-Lazer. Loudly.
I CRY: not as much as I used to...sometimes I wish I did.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: right, but I like to think I am.
I MAKE: mistakes.
I WRITE: papers on Oscar Wilde, African-Caribbean Mother-Daughter relationships in literature, Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale," the effects of dyslexia in the classroom, and a myriad of others.
I CONFUSE: left and right.
I NEED: to be encouraged, loved, and needed.
I SHOULD: be more sure of my own actions and decisions.
I START: my day with a shower.
I FINISH: my day by making sure that my closet door is completely shut and that my dresser drawers are closed all the way.
I TAG: my cousins at home on holidays

"I like the way you move...

2006-05-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

ba dumm bum."

After "helping" a friend move yesterday, I have decided that if English doesn't work out I can become a furniture mover. Not because of my ability to lift heavy things, pack things into Rubbermade totes, or clean ovens, but because of the rewards one gets for this. I moved a couch, I got a free beer. I like this arrangement.

However, after the eleventy-billionth trip up to his third floor apartment I realized I am not looking forward to moving 2 months from yesterday. Finding all of the stupid little things that hadn't made it into the totes was frustrating as I kept trekking back to find more Wal-Mart bags to stash things in. I am 22 years old, and should not have acquired that much stuff while living in my current abode. But I can guarantee I did. My grandmother is what some lovingly refer to as a "packrat" (or Grandma with butt-loads) and, despite my attempts to ward off this gene, it is sometimes inherent. I am curious to find out if moving will help me purge much of the stuff I have accumulated, or if it will hone my reorganization abilities when I move into the new place and have to find a place for it all. I guess we will find out in July!

And, whereas I am excited (and scared) to move into my own place, I know that it will be hard leaving my current one. Locking Kris' door for the last time last night was kind of bittersweet--we have all had some good times there. As we drove away he made a comment somewhere along the lines of "I'm really going to miss this place." Heck, I'm going to miss his place, so I can only imagine how much I'll miss where I live now and who I live with now. A majority of my fun college times have been had behind door #8...I guess I am just a sentimental type of girl.

Which is probably why I won't start packing up all the little things until mere hours before "the moving company" (read friends and parents) come to haul my stuff to the new apartment. It'll make it more of a game that way! Man, we have a lot of games to move too....

"She's Got a Way...

2006-05-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

...about her; I don't know what it is."

I am a theif...I took this from Dawn because I thought it would help me waste some time at work. Not enough time, but I do what I can.

Take a band/artist and answer the questions with song titles.

Artist: Billy Joel

Are you female or male: She's Always a Woman

Describe yourself: I Go To Extremes

How do some people feel about you: You May Be Right

How do you feel about yourself: You're Only Human

Describe your ex girl/boyfriend: Entertainer

Describe your current girl/boyfriend: Stranger (yeah, there is another one I could use here depending on the definition of "boyfriend")

Describe where you want to be: Vienna

Describe what you want to be: Just the Way You Are

Describe how you live: My Life

Describe how you love: For the Longest Time

Favorite food: Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Share a few words of wisdom: Only the Good Die Young

Your hero: An Innocent Man

So, that was fun. And, as a fun piece of trivia, one of these songs is the ringback on my phone. I love Billy Joel.

"We can't return we can only look behind...

2006-05-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

...and go round and round and round in the circle game"

Wow. I just had quite the experience and I wish there was someone who I could talk to about it. But 1:35 am does not lend itself to listening ears. Dang it. Now I know that I won't sleep well tonight.

More on this later....

"And the elephants are dancing...

2006-05-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

...on the graves of squealing mice."

So, after watching the awful MTV series "Fat Camp," I decided, "Wow, I don't want to be like those people," and decided to start working out. So I did Pilates 2 days ago. This was a good idea--roommate and I were going to do Pilates every day at the beginning of the semester. This lasted...a day. But I popped it in the DVD player and had at it. Good for me. But that was just the beginning.

I decided to be ambitios and play tennis with my friend Cy yesterday. Well, play is the opperative word, we really just hit the ball back and forth for an hour until I had managed to hit 3 out of the court and he 1. I appreciate Cy and his patience towards my lack of ball control--he lets me get away with quite a bit while we play. Despite my inability to play well, I love tennis, and greatly improved my backhand in that time. This was all fine and good until this morning.

I am finding it hard to move. I have muscles that are hurting and I didn't even know they could hurt! Still, I can't wait to play again, and am taking appointments for those who wish to join me on the courts.

MTRR that I forgot how much I enjoy nice weather and the ability to play outside, despite the repercussions!

"Anyone for tennis? Oh, wouldn't that be nice!?" it's an eric clapton song!

"I know there's nothing stopping you now...

2006-05-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

But I'd settle for a slowdown."

It is amazing how life can change so quickly. Yeah, everyone has these revelations once in a while, and it is my turn to have one.

I think I am getting sick. I truly believe this is because my body knows that it can allow me to become sick because I have time to do so. During the school year I rarely had down-time; I was usually at my apartment less than 20 hours a week, not including sleeping (which also wasn't very much). This meant that I was generally out and about doing something and I still had homework to get done in the inbetween times. Not that I didn't love it...I thrive on being busy and having deadlines and such, but I found myself being envious of people with less going on than me from time to time.

Then Finals week rolled around and I had stuff to do until Friday at 3ish. Then it was off to Dunnell/Sherburn/Fairmont for the wedding. It was a great time (to put it mildly) and Chris and Melissa will have many happy years together, and those who attended the ceremony, reception, and dance will have some memories to cherish for quite awhile too. How am I to forget hottubbing in my dress, the guys getting kicked out of the pool, and seeing many of my friends partaking in a "bathtub party" on top of all the fun at the dance? Not likely.

But did my weekend stop there? No, that would be too simple. Instead, my friend Jenna had been born 21 years previous, so I hopped in the Blazer on Sunday morning, slightly hungover but mostly rested, and headed off to Pipestone. In Pipe-rock I picked up my friend Jennie and we began the trek to Fargo. Luckily we were able to talk the entire time (didn't even turn the stereo up the whole way) and complain for a majority of that time about the stupidity of driving to Fargo for this party. But, things turned out just fine...Jenna's mom had rented a stretch Escalade for us to use which came with 2-for-1 coupons for every bar in Fargo. Needless to say, we drank some. Then, after witnessing Jenn empty her stomach a few times, pulling her from the bathroom floor, and tucking her into bed, Jennie and I retired for the evening at 3:00 in the morning.

Still, the fun keeps going. We had to be up by 4:30 so that I could be to work in Brookings by 8, and Jenna (hungover and pale) needed to begin classes at MN West at 9. Ugh. I survived the drive back and a 6 hour work day on Monday, and then it hit me:

I have nothing to do.

No homework. No stuff at the office. No meetings. No papers. Nothing.

And I think I like it. I hadn't allowed myself to not do anything, in I don't know how long. For at least a few days, I think I will like a slower pace. I will enjoy life without a to-do list. I won't look at my planner to see what I have going on. I can just sit. I think I can handle this.

"But your wheels just turn, down the road ahead."

"In her glass was a bleeding man..."

2006-05-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

...and if you try sometimes you just might find...

I can't say that I have ever been truly surprised by an MSN Messenger conversation. Usually, these conversations are fairly light-hearted and nothing of great importance is ever typed. That was until last night. It was not just the conversation itself, it was the implications that went along with it. The conversation opened my eyes to a situation I never knew existed, and least I didn't know I knew it existed.

I found out last night that I am someone's unattainable girl. Or was someone's unattainable girl. I have never been unattainable (at least to my knowledge) and thought I always played the "attainable card." Still, I found out last night that there was someone who had truly wanted a relationship with me, but thought that I was too far a stretch for him.

Last night he thanked me for this. This took me aback. Usually if I want something, I don't thank the person who is inhibiting me from getting it. But he did; he thanked me for not letting his feelings for me change the way I viewed and acted around him. But that's the thing: I didn't know there were feelings that should be changing my opinion of him! Even more convoluted is the fact that I think he is a great guy--perhaps relationship material.

But, no. I was unattainable. After he informed me of his former feelings for me, we started looking at how things could have been different if I had known what he was thinking. Things could have worked out between the two of us. Things might not have. He has a girlfriend now (not a great one...I am not a big fan as a matter of fact, but that is neither here nor there) who he would not be dating if we had gotten together. Don't get me wrong, I am happy where I am at right now, but it is a little bittersweet to think that I could be somewhere else.

Somewhere that I wouldn't be against being. Sometimes you just want to know that there is someone there, but I lost my "there" person by being unknowingly unattainable. I purposely make myself look attainable for precisely that reason--I want to be.

This whole thing really came out of left field--way left field. And now I am thinking about things that never were and never can be and I had the power to change that, but didn't. And I don't want anyone to think I want sympathy--yeah, I know that "it must be tough to have guys wanting you." Because I have heard that before. But it is different when the ball was in my court without my realizing it and I blew it. Kinda sucks.

~~However~~
-I have 7 pages left on my paper whose topic I broadened so as to make my life easier...it is now about homosexuality in Victorian England and how it impacted the works of Oscar Wilde.
-I have to get my oil changed today.
-I am getting my eyebrows done at 12:30.
-I have 1 hour, 43 minutes of work left for the week.
--These things give me something to think about other than stupid MSN. It's gonna be a long day.

...you get what you need."

just seeing how this works

2006-05-09T00:35:00.000-07:00

"I ride this train...

2006-05-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

...in the windswept afternoon."

So there I was, not in the afternoon at all. Sitting at work for the 9th hour of the day. No, this isn't a problem--I am a big kid and can spend a "full day's work" at work...but that doesn't mean I want to. I worked from midnight-2am, 7:45-11am, and am currently working on my 9pm-2am shift. Not that I would be doing anything better with my time. I just finished a 2 page account of why "The Picture of Dorian Gray" by Oscar Wilde is well/poorly written and if it is moral/immoral (MTRR that this is truly objective [as my paper states] but it is well written and a book can be neither moral nor immoral...so there).

However, the time spent in between times I spent at the library were interesting. I went shopping (I have a love/hate relationship with shopping, but am happy with my purchases), went to Caribou (and branched out by getting a turtle mocha), went to Subway (and did not branch out from my Chicken, Bacon, Ranch on Italian Herb and Cheese with tomatoes, lettuce, black olives, and jalapenos), and had some looooong conversations with many of my friends (which, for the most part, accomplished what each conversation set out to do). I have a quasi-feeling of accomplishment, though there are so many other things I should do (write a 10 page paper, finish the other 75 points of my take-home exam, study for finals). I keep saying "tomorrow" but Friday may come before I get enough tomorrows to get things done. This should be more troublesome than it really is. But things will work out, they always do. Seems to be a pandemic around here--but one of those good pandemics.

"I ride this train In a dream-like state of mind."

"And I, I Want to Thank You...

2006-05-07T11:19:00.000-07:00

...for giving me the best time of my life"

Well, unlike T, I didn't have the dexterity to leave a drunken post last night. In fact, I barely had the coordination to lay in the hallway singing "Had a Bad Day" or to keep my head out of the toilet. But now I am much more coherent and, despite my churning stomach and foggy head, I am able to leave a post. I think it is fitting to thank the people who helped me get to this point; here goes.

Thank you:
~Claussen: for graduating, for coming downtown last night, for coming to the bathroom last night to watch me puke, for tearing off numeorus pieces of toilet paper for me to utilize.
~Britt: for graduating, for holding my hair as I puked the first round, for letting me know that "it's okay," for letting me laugh at your dirty feet...because they really were gross.
~X-mas: for graduating, for saving me from random guy at the bar, for walking with me across the parking lot when everyone left me there crying because "I can't go any farther," for making me drink that glass of water, for finding me that beautiful blue towel that wasn't beautiful after I used it.
~T: for sticking with me for another semester, for letting me sing loudly and badly in the hallway, for taking pictures of me in my drunken state.
~Suzy: for making us go to Bob 'n' Abe's where I could puke in some random toilet, for pushing me off the mailbox.
~Canada: for laughing at me while I puked...wait, that's not a good one, for watching the camera all night so we could document the evening.
~Ginger: for coming to play in Brookings.
~The Drunk Bus: for letting me ride you for free, for stopping at the Blues (Toot Toot!), for letting Zobes be your monitor.
~SDSU: I just love SDSU...hence me staying for 5 years.
~Peggy: just 'cause.

I think that is sufficient. And everyone else: you rock too. Just sayin'.

ETA: Suzy: for letting me go to Bob and Abe's...I wanted to go until I realized I was "that girl at the party who is puking" and I was curious about that hookah-y-thingy, for taking the picture when someone else pushed me off the mailbox...either way, it was pretty funny, for leaving me a Discover Engineering/EWEEK note...this paper will never go away.

ETA2: I changed my settings (before I got this note mind you) so that everyone can leave messages.

"All the big shots sit on the steps of St. Patrick's...

2006-05-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

...watching the show go by. And if the flying man chases elephants, there's no better reason to get high."

I gave in. I wanted a blogspot blog like all the other cool kids, and since I am done with classes for the semester, I decided to do it today.

Not that I have anything deep and meaningful to say today...my brain is tired but my thesis is done. My eyes are tired but I have already gone to and came from the bars this afternoon. I have lots of stuff I could do but I think I am just going to put in a movie until T gets home.

I am currently listening to a CD my friend Cy recorded and it has 5 of my favorite songs on it, and it is even better because he does he own vocals (obviously) and guitar-playing. He is amazing. I have come to realize just how amazing some of my friends are; it seems like the realization that comes with the senioritis we are all feeling at the same time. I hate cross-roads, and I feel like that is where I am at.

With that said, I am putting a movie in and napping. What a great first post this was....

"If the influence leads to decadence, I won't be eloquent tonight."